The Sporno Guide to the Summer Olympics


By Mark Simpson

We predict the hottest moments to expect in London

Looking forward to the London Olympics this summer for all the wrong reasons? Wishing that they were still conducted in the manner of the ancient Greek Games—naked save for a light basting of olive oil?

Well, you’re not the only one. In an age of widescreen/HD/3D TV, technology is undressing the Olympians’ perfect physiques and inching our voyeurism closer and closer, pixel by pixel.

It’s not just the spectators harboring filthy thoughts, either. At the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, even the 100,000 condoms initially distributed -- 14 per athlete and entourage member alike -- ran out, and more had to be rushed in. That’s some spurting achievement.

For 2012, it’s entirely appropriate, then, that a very prominent face of the Olympics is Mr. David Beckham, the athlete who became a global sporno star by flaunting his lunchbox on billboards for Armani and H&M. So, in keeping with the spirit, we present a spornographic guide to the Olympics, based shamelessly on aesthetics, rather than athletics.

(Read Mark Simpson's 2006 "Sporno" essay here)

Tags: London