How I Met Your Mother


By Neal Boulton and Claire Davis

An unfettered bisexual couple has settled down -- for now.

BOULTON: We definitely think of ourselves as a bisexual couple. I’ve learned from Claire to be vocal, proactive, and outgoing about my sexuality. She would never let a dinner party go by without an innuendo that let people know not to assume we’re straight. When people ask how we met, she’d say, “I took a picture of him with his boyfriend.”

DAVIS: We had an open marriage for a couple of years -- before we had children.

BOULTON: Thursday nights she would go to her hot girlfriend, and I would go to my boyfriend. It was wonderful.

DAVIS: I never called her my girlfriend. We were seeing same-gendered people. It took us a lot of years to figure out how we should reconcile our sexuality with the relationship we wanted to have with each other.

BOULTON: Early in the marriage, Claire was more proactive about it, like, “Don’t you ever try to take women away from me, and you can have men.” But maintaining a mistress -- whether it’s a man or a woman -- is hard work. So we decided to revisit things and have children.

DAVIS: I got to the point where I was seeing someone for over a year, and I realized I didn’t want to be in a relationship with two people. I just wanted to be with Neal.

BOULTON: I’m sure we’ll revisit it.

DAVIS: I can’t predict the future. It’s easier for a woman than a guy, though. People seem to be OK with a woman being with a woman, but they have more of a problem accepting men with men. My kids get sick of me saying, “Sweetheart, we don’t care who you love, as long as that person is good to you.”

BOULTON: I think it would be easy for people to go, “Oh, well, of course they defaulted to being in an opposite-sex
relationship--don’t all bisexuals do that?” Maybe they do; I don’t know. I know that Claire and I have been in two long-term relationships of the same sex and one long-term relationship that wasn’t. That’s our ratio.

DAVIS: I don’t care about ratios or any of that stuff. People find lots of different ways to define themselves, and bisexuality is one of them. For me, that’s sort of my home base. For others, it might just be a comfortable place while you’re figuring it out.

BOULTON: But Noah [our 11-year-old son] said something that I think is easy to gloss over, which is that it’s about who you’re falling in love with, not gender. Claire was the man I was going to meet in some respects.

DAVIS: And I married my mother.



As told to Aaron Hicklin