Hello My Darlings!
Holy moly! Time certainly has a way of getting away from a tap dancing unicorn like me. Between Halloween parties for a week, work events, fundraisers, and even an amazing rooftop gay wedding, I have fallen behind on dishing out advice for the masses! My apologies, Angels. The questions keep pouring in, and I have to confess, I’m surprised that anyone anywhere is able to go on dates, meet people, hook up, have coffee—as it seems to me, everyone is in their own personal quagmire. So lets jump in.
Dear Unicorn Idiot,
Over the past couple months I have been dating a handsome young fellow whom I have now known for several years. Our personalities differ greatly yet somehow we compliment and balance each other wonderfully. He’s 21 and I am 25 which is fine except we’re at two different places in life and I’m afraid it will cause issues later on. Interestingly, he’s more successful than me at the time. While we are both finishing up school, he makes a greater income than I do and he has financial help from his parents. He lives a pretty amazing life while I have greater financial stresses. He always offers to pay knowing I’m on a budget and ultimately just wants me happy, but I fear it will cause issues of resentment in the future. I don’t want finances to affect our relationship as I have seen it happen with other couples. The fact he is younger than me also bothers me as I feel I should be the one treating him to fancy dinners, shows, and mini-vacations. Our relationship is so perfect right now that the idea of screwing it up freaks me out. How should I handle the subject? Should I discuss it further with him and hope he re-assures me of my concern? Or should I ignore the issue and accept his willingness to spot me from time to time? I like everything in my relationships to be 50/50. Maybe I should just relax?
My Darling M,
I Love Unicorn Idiot! That’s genius! I’m going to share with you, what my great uncle shared with my mom when she got married, and she remarked that she was ready to go into marriage 50/50. He told my mother, “If you’re going into a marriage with the goal of everything being 50/50, you are already sunk. Somedays its 60/40 some days its 90/10. Other days you’re doing it all. It’s about working together. If your only willing to go half way, your headed for trouble.
As long as you both are communicating and you’ve shared your concern about money, don’t make more of it. “Worrying is paying interest on a loan not yet borrowed.” Someone told me that once and I loved it.
Do the very best you can do for you! Success isn’t measured in money and vacations (although someday you have to go Cabo San Lucas — I love it down there). It’s m measured in the way you feel about you and the love you share with your partner. If you’re doing the very best you can, that’s it.
The fact that he is younger is your issue, not his. I’m sure you’ve heard of the phrase “self sabotage”? Yeah, don’t do it. It’s counter productive and full of heartache. Relationships are a journey, and if you found someone that you want to go on that path with, than go! Don’t create your own obstacles. Let life do that for you, after all it’s her job! Be good to each other and continue to express your feelings!
Dear Advice Idiot,
So I have this casual friend that I’ve known for years, mainly on Facebook, but we always exchange a few words in person. Recently I got tickets to an event and he came to mind as one of the people that would be into it. So I sent messages, three different ways, through Facebook through his website and posting on his wall saying, “Sent you a message,” and a week later no reply. I’m taking someone else to the event, so that’s not the issue, but should I ask him what’s up or just let it go? What do you think? Not the biggest problem in the world, but things like this irk me.
Dear Courtesy Queen,
Hate that! However, as someone who gets his fair share of messages on FB, they can get lost in the feed of my life. FB and other social media apps have a different purpose for all people. Some use it as their only source of world news, just use it casually to read about friends’ activities — but a lot of information that winds up on my page I don’t always see. Messages on FB can go weeks without me seeing them, so perhaps, it is the same for this person. Assuming they are actually on their page often. I wouldn’t make a big thing about it, but when/if you see this person, you’re justified in initiating a “Hey, not sure if you saw this, but was thinking of you…” type of convo opener.
Social etiquette seems to be in decline, and don’t get me started about actually seeing people in real life. I miss the pleasantries of the 1950s, but that’s about all I’d want back from that era. Well, maybe craftsmanship and being a housewife… God, I had dresses for days then.
Thank you kids for being so patient! The holidays are upon us and Lord knows it’s going to be stressful. Let me help with Holiday advice! Write in, I’m all yours!
THIS IDIOT has seen it all and is here to help answer all of your life-in-the-big city woes. (And my club nights are fabulous—Sundays at Here, Rasputin on Saturdays, HOTROD and LipTickler at Micky’s, and my newest Studio One at Ultra Suede) Are you struggling with some weird thing your man does? Is urban gay life eating you alive? Are you wondering how many piercings are too many? Are you seeing weird shit happen to your queer friends, something that you need a second opinion on MUCH LOVE KIDS!