Carl Kruger Sentenced to Seven Years for Crookedness, Tastelessness

4.27.2012

By Joshua Gardner

Disgraced former New York state senator pled guilty but never pled gay

Carl Kruger, the New York State Senator from Brooklyn who pled guilty to taking bribes amounting to the hundreds of thousands, was sentenced to seven years in prison yesterday, reports the New York Times.

And if you’ve forgotten Carl, let us remind you.

He isn’t gay, of course. Though an FBI wiretap did reveal his tendency to speak “in baby talk” to his friend Dr. Michael S. Turano, who was also implicated and received a two-year jail sentence for his role.

Oh, and the two lived together in Brooklyn with Turano’s brother. And their mom. In this tasteful, 7,000 square foot home originally built by gangsters.

But, no, not gay.

Did we mention he voted no on New York's 2009 gay marriage bill?

The presiding judge in the case, one Jed S. Rakoff, didn’t exactly throw the book at Kruger—the recommended sentence was 9 to over 11 years—but he did make clear that Rakoff’s previous good deeds were wholly outweighed by his crimes, calling them “extensive, long-lasting, substantial bribery schemes that frankly were like daggers in the heart of honest government.”

Ouch! Well, at least Kruger feels bad about how things went down.

“I have no one but myself to blame, and that reality will haunt me for the rest of my life," Kruger told the judge, presumably while channeling Julia Sugarbaker.

Poor Carl. He just wanted to give his man the best of the best at the expense of the greater community. And who among us can't relate to that? Good luck, buddy! Here's hoping the next seven years fly by.We almost feel sorry for the guy. Almost. 

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