No Asians!
1.11.2012
By Alexander Chee
Illustration by Keith Negley
I more or less forgot about the Internet tricking grind. I’m happily settled with a man, and we don’t have one of those one-eye-over-the-shoulder relationships where we each wait for the other to leave the apartment and then hit the web for the day’s hookups. So it was off my mind until this summer, when a Tumblr, Douchebags of Grindr, launched with a storm of ridicule aimed at particularly egotistical profiles.
Much of the mockery on the DoG blog is reserved for the guys whose profile photos consist of Bentley keys and Black AmEx cards, or ones like the arrogant hottie whose profile reads, “I choose you! You don’t choose me!” But what caught my eye was that there was a special place in Internet Hell reserved for the ones who put NO ASIANS on their profiles.
The no asians proclamation is usually accompanied by no FATS/FEMMES/POZ, as if being Asian is something treated with a visit to the gym, doctor, or behavioral therapy. There’s a temptation here to try and litigate with the no asians crowd -- “How can you say you’re not into Asians? What about Harry Shum/BD Wong/Daniel Dae Kim?” -- but that’s really beside the point. Disturbing as it was to see, I decided to really think about it.
Last fall, Alex Rowlson, in his piece for Canadian gay mag Fab, wrote, “The culture of sexual liberation has been replaced by sexual segregation.” The thing is, if that happened, it happened a long time ago. Racial preference in the gay community is not new.
Twenty years ago, I moved to San Francisco after college and entered the bewildering maze of gay bars there that suggested gay life was more about race than about gender preference: There were bars for white men to meet black men, black men to meet black men, white men to meet Asian men, Asians to meet Asians, and so on.
This Balkanized sexual landscape presented certain complications. I’m half Korean, half Scotch-Irish. Inside of these strict scenarios, I disappoint the rice queens, as well as the snow queens.
I have sometimes passed as white to those who didn’t ask questions. I’ve had guys ask if I was everything from Swedish to Mexican or African American. If they didn’t ask, they’d engage in a guessing game. In the meantime, I’ve had boyfriends of many creeds. The only thing my boyfriends have in common is me.
Other men -- whether on Grindr or in their race-based gay bar -- are casting a fantasy, which can now be staffed from a website. They have more in common with Civil War re-enactors than potential sex partners.
I was never a fan of Internet sex in my single days. Most of the dates I had then struck me as more like online shopping than sex. It was like ordering sex off Etsy -- highly specific to the producer’s tastes and eccentricities, almost artisanal.
The guy who was really into nipples, well, that was all he wanted done. Ditto the guy who was into massage or the guy into role-playing. And the guys who were into Asian guys were really into them, about as much as the guys who were not into them and felt the need to write NO ASIANS on their profiles.
A glance at the commenter battles on DoG showed two sides: one saying it was racist to put NO ASIANS on a profile, and the other saying, “Preference isn’t racist!” This discourse soon led to the laughable claim that Asians were trying to “guilt-trip” hot white guys into having sex with them. Here’s the thing: It’s just not the same as someone advertising an interest in Asians.
And it’s not racist to not to be attracted to Asian men. I’ll be the first to say desire is not a democracy, but a dictator. Sex is not fair; it’s just sex. But race-based rejection was, in the old days of real-life cruising, silent. Likewise your reaction. If someone rejected you because of your race, you didn’t usually hear about it unless you pressed your case. But men who put NO ASIANS on their profile are not stating a preference.
If your profile reads “I block more Asians than the Great Wall of China!” you’re not only racist, it’s even weirder than that: You’re looking for a fellow Asian hater to date. You’re using the disguise of a semi–socially acceptable way to say you’re a racist and looking to hook up with other racists. That’s fine. Just change your profile to RACIST, SEEKS SAME instead.
Comments
Wow...I think the true and difficult question is, where do our desires come from, and why? Does technology bring out the best or worst in a person in the guise of expediency? Excluding groups of people from one's life, for whatever reason, based only on their appearance isn't compassionate, and should be examined. If someone does not fit some sort of ideal, then we dismiss them immediately? That IS racist and sizeist, among other things. There's nearly seven billion people on this planet, less than one billion are men between 20 and 30 (census.gov), of which, how many are gay...? This makes me think of Auntie Mame: "life's a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!"
I agree! Its worth reflecting on where are desire arises - the racism might be on a very subtle level excluding a group of people from your dating pool based on the color of their skin may prevent experiencing someone who is a remarkable person.
Keith Negley should be banned from ever trying to portray Asians again. This white person needs more portraiture training and exposure to real Asians before he dares to try to draw another one again with any good conscience.
It doesn't matter what race he is I like the man for who he is. Sure, I generally seem prefer men of a certain race but I don't exclude a race because there are hotties in every race!
Some of you need to brush up on your reading comprehension skills. The article doesn't say that having preferences is racist. It even flat-out says, "And it’s not racist to not to be attracted to Asian men."
I think the point the author is trying to make is, it's kind of racist to publicly announce that you exclude an entire group of people based solely on their race.
I don't know that I 100% agree with the author, but at least I can understand what he's saying. Hooray for being able to read.
I hope you were prepared for a shitstorm of defensive white dudes.
Guys, everyone's a little bit racist. There's nothing wrong with the fact you don't want to hook up with Asians or blacks or whoever.The author of this article is saying that. But if you're gonna throw it in people's faces, it makes you a DOUCHEBAG. You would rather hurt people's feelings than politely decline (or even not respond). And sure, there's no rule that says you have to be nice to people, only the basic human desire to be a good person. So if you're going to act like an unfeeling asshole in a public setting, you deserve every bit of criticism, ridicule, and scorn you get. Go fuck yourself. Peace out.
that was cute fer you.......your are so pressed....hahahahah........u keep being you boo......
"We don’t have one of those one-eye-over-the-shoulder relationships where we each wait for the other to leave the apartment and then hit the web for the day’s hookups."
Judgmental much?
Um, I'm not sensing any judgment in that statement. The only judgment would come from your tone of defensiveness (or guilt) for having or defending open relationships.
Basis of article is completely irrelevant. Look up the difinition of a racist. It is believing one race is superior to others. Just because someone states they are not into Asians sexually doesn't make them a racist. I'm a white gay man into Asians mostly. Does that make me a racist? No I don't think so. Try writing about something relevant to the gay community.
Your reliance on the dictionary for a definition of racism exposes your lack of understanding of the subject. Racism isn't ONLY stating one race is superior to others. It's also stating one race is inferior to another. Racism is also a continuum that runs the gamut from personal preferences to discrimination to violence. Moreover, your insistence that racism is a subject that's not relevant to the LGBT community makes me very sad at the very least.
Kind of disagree,,, have you ever read that someone will say 'no whites plz' in their personal ad? Most likely not. I think they can just decline or tell the person then when they are replied so it doesn't sound so ignorant.
Don't Ask, Just Tell
http://metroweekly.com/news/opinion/?ak=5613
I'm with the camp that that's saying having ethnic preferences is not being racist. Sexually I've never been attracted to Asians or African-Americans... and its not for a lack of trying. It boils down to what makes my dick hard. That said, there's a way to advertise your preferences with a little bit of tact vs. being tasteless/without any class. I'll say something like "looking for in-shape gwm/glm guys" in an inclusive manner, rather than the "no Asian/no Blacks/no Fat" manner that carries with it racist overtones.
Absolutely, it's so much better to state the positive than the negative. Not only is it less offensive, it sends a clearer message as to what exactly you're looking for.
Womp, womp. There is neither anything new nor interesting stated in this article. ZzzzZzzz...
I am so glad you've worked out all your race-based baggage. It must be FAB to be such a copacetic, well-balanced, cool person. Maybe part of your fabulosity would be to let others work out theirs? Just a suggestion!
Sexual attraction is personal, unfortunately nowadays there is no such thing as politeness. If you are not interested with certain group of people, a mere mention of not interested suffice, (or ignore or in case of grindr or any online hook up site just push the block button. There is no need to show your true colors lol.
The funny thing is (through experience.. haha) the same people who blatantly obvious in their preference, suddenly change their attitude and their personal preference when they hit certain age (older) or body type (unfit). I'm sure some of us older asians have been told that they look younger than our age :) by the same person(s) who wouldn't even look at you twenty years ago.
That is so true, and they rant ageist when they are declined.
When I don't answer their hookups, some comments are like, "I thought Asians are kind and respectful, but how are you so rude?". I find it very racist (because being born as Asian doesn't necessarily mean I should have certain personality, and expecting submission from Asians is also very racist), but they are very upfront of their attitudes.
that happened to me too!!! and still happening...
If you cant get aroused by a group of specific people is that racist or just a preference? Such as how I cannot get aroused by women. Every person has their own preference, and with an online hookup account someone who said "no (enter race here)" is just trying to avoid the endless e-mails about not being interested and get to hooking up a lot faster. I find it outrageous how so many people jump at the chance to accuse people of being racist. I don't like fat guys for hook ups, am i a sizeist, even though I'm friends with many bears? What about in return, if a bear doesn't like to hook up with a twink? Also, if i refuse to bareback am i discriminating against those who only bareback?
I understand where the author was coming from but he didn't think this article through fully.
The author never said that not having a preference for asians is racist. They are simply saying that it is rude to claim on a profile that you don't like asians at all. When you can simply say you are into to "insert here you interest" and leave the negative details out and ignore any advances you get from men that are not your flavor. When it comes to a matter of being fat, or bare backing, these things can be changed if the individual tries. Put yourself in a situation in which people advertise they don't like you for the way you were born. It's funny how the gay community complains about being marginalize when they are guilty of marginalization themselves.
The original comment was directed at all of the commentators bring racism into play, not the article itself.
This is not remarkable nor is it news. I laugh at racial politics on dating profiles. As a lighter-skinned and mixed Black man, I see white men who are interested in attracting men of color with their latinized profiles. Then I see that the men of color who tend to state that they are "mixed" are the ones who imply their preference for white or Latino men. In a nation where we are defined by our otherness, white gay men's otherness is their sexuality, whereas men of color (who are not "minorities") seem to appeal to the euro-centric homosexual sensibility by minimizing everything else they are. Race and ethnic are still widely accepted social currency. The games are endless.
There is some truth to your comment. Men of colour find themselves trying to fit in with the white world....like latin and asians. To some to date WHITE gives the illusion that YOU HAVE OVER COME something and you have arrived. Asians and some latin won't even LOOK at a black guy....yet when a white guy isn't attracted to them....they scream foul and racism. Please.... as a man of colour (I'm mixed with Creole/Puerto Rican) my current beau is white.... the reason. Brothas feel I'm to light bright and dayum near white for them. So should I not date because my own colour has turned there back on me? We as gay men have allot of growing to do...and being online make us more picky.
Thanks for writing this article and calling out the racists white men for what they are. xoxoxo
I would rather read your reply as: thanks for writing this article and calling out the racists white men for saying "No Jews. Just preference.". I doubt many people will be okay with that comment. But, if so, stand up for your own right of preference now, please.
Seriously?
This is the second comment that mentions Jews. What does a religion/culture have to do with a discussion on race? And why do you think that no Jew has ever encountered prejudice in the gay community. I've had plenty of comments on how I'm supposed to be rich or have a bigger nose or whatnot. I've also met plenty of people who fetishize my Jewness. People still have just as much prejudice against Jews as they do against any other type of person.
Honestly, I do not know how I ended up here, being a straight Asian male and all...
But, if you don't consider religion/culture as part of race, then what is race? Physical appearance? Can a white man with almond eyes and tinted skin be considered Asian then?
Don't get me wrong, I understand that there's discrimination everywhere, and I do feel for you when you say you're discriminated against, but it seems like people are discriminating off of perceived physical appearance more than anything. "No Asians" is a very broad statement and quite offensive in my opinion. It's disregarding every personality and physical trait that falls under this "Asian" category. You know, all the good unique stuff about a person that Disney says we should take the time to get to know about individuals.
With that being said, you know, the word Asian refer to much more than China, Japan, Korea and South East Asia. It also includes but is not limited to: India, Russia and the Middle East. You know, because of the whole CONTINENT thing. The only reason why anyone would categorize and write something this ignorant or even argue that it's not racist or anything, is because they are white and/or privileged enough to disregard the most populous continent on Earth, making up 60% of the current human population.
I could be wrong and it could just be the almond eyes, skin varying from light to dark and perceived smaller penis length sub-category of Asians that you dislike so much... if so, you're a racist.
But, honestly, if you must put "No Asians" up, don't kid yourself my friend, you's a racist. Might as well put: "Insanely shallow person who believes 60% of the world isn't good enough for me looking for another insanely shallow person."
And if this website is just a hookup website then, you know, whatever floats your boat. But you's still a racist.
As a bisexual, I have often seen gay male life as an outsider. Everything you complain about regarding "No Asians", I find distasteful about men who say they find women, as a class, sexually uninteresting; in other words, "gay men."
I don't think you can complain about a community that says it simply doesn't like women as sexual partners, applying the same logic to race, class, or any other category. The modern gay male community is based on categories and claiming that you can't go outside your categories because you're born a certain way and it would be evil to make you change. If you enter into a world with that logic, then you shouldn't be surprised when it backfires. I date people of any race, religion, class, or gender; I honestly look for someone who's a good companion.
Grindr, and other 'meet' markets are a voyeur's place of delight isn't it? The most powerful thing anyone can do is to ignore a request or inquiry without resorting to hurtful and racist comments that only serve to further a divide between an already subjugated group of people. In stating any desired/undesired racial profile, the author of the profile becomes grotesquely ugly, shallow, petty and myopic.
This is all so stupid. Just because you don't want to screw an asian doesn't mean you're racist. It just means you don't get turned on by asians. So tired of people getting so insulted by this. It's the same thing when guys say straight acting only, or six packs only. It's not that they hate people who don't fall into that category it's just that they are on a app or site looking for sex and they know what turns them on sexually so why not be to the point and matter of fact and not waste people's time. If you're looking for friends or a bf get off the hook up apps. If you're looking for sex, you can't get disappointed when someone isn't into you and you can cry racism if someone isn't into your race sexually. Grow up.
I have to agree with the comment two posts down... "Racism is a personality trait," as the Manhunt moderators say. You ARE being just a _little bit_ racist, and no one's saying you're not allowed to be--everyone's a little bit racist, as the saying (and song) goes. Racism isn't only "hating" another group, it can be as little as thinking they're "less than" in some way. You are right in that it IS the same thing as when people post "straight-acting only" or "six packs only"--those people are being heternormative-ist and size-ist or whatever the applicable terms would be, because you're putting a blanket negative personal judgement on a whole group of people. You can be a little bit racist towards Asians without feeling like you need to lynch Asian people. And you're right, you are perfectly within your rights to be a little racist and a little selective on a hook-up app, but to publicly state "NO xyz" is xyz-ist (not to mention tacky), since you're not stating that you're not interested in judging people individually. Which, again, you're ALLOWED to do--you're an adult so go ahead. If you do though, it's like you said--it's an anonymous, consequence-free, hook-up app--if you want to be allowed to make public statements about your racial preferences, then you yourself should grow up and be prepared to get hate mail by people who disagree with you!
Check out Timothy Wang's novel Slant. It was the only novel that I have read (and I read a lot) that deals with this race issue head on in a funny way.
This was told to me by a moderator on Manhunt after I complained about a profile name that included "NoAsians". Their profile name specifically said this!!!! I could not believe someone went out of their way to write that. Waste of energy and waste of a person. The moderator, Mario, said it was important to "have members express their personalities". I guess being racist is a unique personality trait then. F*ckin public relations lingo.
Alexander, GREAT article...!!!
Having lived in Dallas & NYC, and now Singapore, seems like there's a clan of gay men who is exactly as you described! Here in Southeast Asia, it's the SAME - there's a gay club attracting only Chinese boys (below 30), another spotting Asians-who-like-Caucasians here in this island.
I remember vividly that one night when a guy told me "having a racial PREFERENCE isn't racist!"... *pffffffff* how did he convince himself into believing in such statement?!
Anyway, hope one fine day, I'll meet the man of my life, just like you, who will like me for ME and that our mutual attraction is based on similar hobbies... not cos of my skin color...
I live in Asia because I like the look of Asian men. But in reality, it's Look, but Don't Territory. I don't know what As-Ams are like but the men in Asia are walking talking bundles of neuroses and selfishness. That's not racist that's as much fact as the colour of thei hair
Great point. I'm happily with a Filipino. His being Filipino has nothing to do with why I'm with him. He's simply a great person - who happens to be Asian.
It seems simple to me. If one's attractions have racial barriers, then you are a racist. Even if your racism is so deeply internalized that you don't feel it... you are, make no mistake, A RACIST!
Absolutely agree!!
Amazing article about a deep rooted problem in Gay dating.
I dunno what's the difference if someone is Asian or what could be so appealing about being a middle eastern!!! it's all about chemistry... and life is full of beautiful fruits, it's unfair to one's taste-buds to be limited only to tasting one type...
Loved that article.
LOL....I know this article is about asians..... but blacks experience the same thing from Latins and Asians. Where the article about that? You can't FIND a asian with a black guy....lol Being gay in America is a white thing...from the pinup boys, porn, hell look at gay pride via any city...........a sea of white...... so it is what it is but don't forget the other races that gay culture seems to leave out of of the reindeer games.
Yes I agree. We all have our preferences and yes, asians and latinos might not like blacks. But, it would be racist if those same asians and latinos put in their profile, "no oldies, fatties, and blacks." We're all allowed to have our own preferences; it's just very ugly when they imply, "everyone welcome except asians".
You are so correct! There is an enormous amount of racism within the gay community. The oppressed becomes the oppressor, and this is not just a BLACK & WHITE thing. Being of African American & Latino descent , I have experienced far more racism from Latino's and Asian's. What is even more comical is that they(Latino & Asian) think that excluding anyone of a darker skin color impressses Caucasians-NOT! Many of my Caucasian brothers are not shallow, and have less tolerance for ignorance. I am not saying that all Caucasians are not racist or shallow but many are not as close minded. The same goes for all Latino's & Asians, many are not racist or shallow, but I witness horrible acts of ignorance.
This is so effing true! Here in San Francisco, being a black guy, whether going out to bars/clubs or seeing profiles online, a HUGE majority of other men of color, especially Latin and Asian will say or prefer "WHITE MEN ONLY" in their profiles. Many black men will only prefer white men too as well. I feel many times that we're our worse enemies.
So true. Where is the article of Asian men putting in their profiles. White only no blacks. Its on so many gay dating sites. Asians in a huge majority worship and only want white guys while they reject anyone is slightly darker. This article makes me laugh because I am looking at an ad from this cute asian guy but in the last bit of his profile he says "no blacks please."
yes, but bottomline is - are you racist?