No Asians!
1.11.2012
By Alexander Chee
Illustration by Keith Negley
I more or less forgot about the Internet tricking grind. I’m happily settled with a man, and we don’t have one of those one-eye-over-the-shoulder relationships where we each wait for the other to leave the apartment and then hit the web for the day’s hookups. So it was off my mind until this summer, when a Tumblr, Douchebags of Grindr, launched with a storm of ridicule aimed at particularly egotistical profiles.
Much of the mockery on the DoG blog is reserved for the guys whose profile photos consist of Bentley keys and Black AmEx cards, or ones like the arrogant hottie whose profile reads, “I choose you! You don’t choose me!” But what caught my eye was that there was a special place in Internet Hell reserved for the ones who put NO ASIANS on their profiles.
The no asians proclamation is usually accompanied by no FATS/FEMMES/POZ, as if being Asian is something treated with a visit to the gym, doctor, or behavioral therapy. There’s a temptation here to try and litigate with the no asians crowd -- “How can you say you’re not into Asians? What about Harry Shum/BD Wong/Daniel Dae Kim?” -- but that’s really beside the point. Disturbing as it was to see, I decided to really think about it.
Last fall, Alex Rowlson, in his piece for Canadian gay mag Fab, wrote, “The culture of sexual liberation has been replaced by sexual segregation.” The thing is, if that happened, it happened a long time ago. Racial preference in the gay community is not new.
Twenty years ago, I moved to San Francisco after college and entered the bewildering maze of gay bars there that suggested gay life was more about race than about gender preference: There were bars for white men to meet black men, black men to meet black men, white men to meet Asian men, Asians to meet Asians, and so on.
This Balkanized sexual landscape presented certain complications. I’m half Korean, half Scotch-Irish. Inside of these strict scenarios, I disappoint the rice queens, as well as the snow queens.
I have sometimes passed as white to those who didn’t ask questions. I’ve had guys ask if I was everything from Swedish to Mexican or African American. If they didn’t ask, they’d engage in a guessing game. In the meantime, I’ve had boyfriends of many creeds. The only thing my boyfriends have in common is me.
Other men -- whether on Grindr or in their race-based gay bar -- are casting a fantasy, which can now be staffed from a website. They have more in common with Civil War re-enactors than potential sex partners.
I was never a fan of Internet sex in my single days. Most of the dates I had then struck me as more like online shopping than sex. It was like ordering sex off Etsy -- highly specific to the producer’s tastes and eccentricities, almost artisanal.
The guy who was really into nipples, well, that was all he wanted done. Ditto the guy who was into massage or the guy into role-playing. And the guys who were into Asian guys were really into them, about as much as the guys who were not into them and felt the need to write NO ASIANS on their profiles.
A glance at the commenter battles on DoG showed two sides: one saying it was racist to put NO ASIANS on a profile, and the other saying, “Preference isn’t racist!” This discourse soon led to the laughable claim that Asians were trying to “guilt-trip” hot white guys into having sex with them. Here’s the thing: It’s just not the same as someone advertising an interest in Asians.
And it’s not racist to not to be attracted to Asian men. I’ll be the first to say desire is not a democracy, but a dictator. Sex is not fair; it’s just sex. But race-based rejection was, in the old days of real-life cruising, silent. Likewise your reaction. If someone rejected you because of your race, you didn’t usually hear about it unless you pressed your case. But men who put NO ASIANS on their profile are not stating a preference.
If your profile reads “I block more Asians than the Great Wall of China!” you’re not only racist, it’s even weirder than that: You’re looking for a fellow Asian hater to date. You’re using the disguise of a semi–socially acceptable way to say you’re a racist and looking to hook up with other racists. That’s fine. Just change your profile to RACIST, SEEKS SAME instead.
Comments
Hey Jack, it's Jack here too. I thought it was a lil sad when you mentioned that you don't have somebody to hold in your arms because you're now in your golden age. I just want ya to know that finding love is still possible in your golden years. There are men out there that believe love transcends in all ages, colours and physical appearances. Look at me, I'm happily dating a gorgeous man that's 12 years my senior. But that doesn't mean I'm only attracted to men older than me only. I've dated men younger than me by years too. I just believe when you love someone, as much as physical appearance is important, the connection between the two and how one carry themselves matter most. Chin up!
I had an online profile and there's caucasian guy IM me and said "I don't date asian but I'll consider you". I checked his profile and found "NO ASIAN" on his preferences. I wonder what makes him change his mind but then I rejected him and left the chat room.
All i'm saying is that, it is tentative for them to say "NO ASIANS". Somehow they will find something that attracts them even in a particular race that they dislike most. It is funny though because they eat their words.
Hmmmm . . . Asians? The more, the merrier!
Racial preference and sexual orientation are not in the same domain.
While sexual orientation of a person cannot be changed and demographics of it is generally uniform in region-wide (unless people are intentionally moving to gay-friendly area), racial preference of a person can be changed by different experience or be defined by different social settings.
In other words, there are generally 5% of people in every country are gays, but racial preferences among them are quite different by regions (e.g., for Asian popularity, see Vancouver vs. Mid-West or East Coast cities). Furthermore, some white people are getting interested in Asians while living in Asia or getting to know them. Racial preferences can change.
If gay people really think racial preferences are in the same category with sexual orientation, they should alter their movement from "legalize gay" or "equality to gays" to "cure homosexuality" because they should believe being gay can be fixed.
Being a gay asian teen myself, I almost want to approve of the lament that Asians are the rejected race of the gay community in the hopes that propagating this victimized image of the gay Asian, we have a chance, as the author of the article states, "guilt tripping" hot white guys to have sex with us. Indeed, sometimes I feel like saying, "Really? White boy, you don't wanna kiss me because I'm Asian?" -.-'' I get flustered because race is one thing I cannot change about myself. However, I think that stating "no asians", though very hurtful (because of its exclusivity), is a basis of sexual, not racial, preference. It's just who we are attracted to. Just ask anyone who has ever had sex; he or she would not deny that type of skin tone has a lot to do with sexual attraction. (e.g.The sexy tanned beach boys)..Personally, I am open to all skin colors, because it's more about individuality than the entirety of a race when dealing with actual physical attractions. Although I am attracted to mostly white guys, that does not mean that I like all white guys. There are some black guys, middle eastern and indian guys that occasionally I have the hots for. And ironically, my least favorite attractions are toward asians. So instead of explicitly stating that one is not attracted to an entire people, I would probably suggest to one what skin color preference one has: "very lightly toned, lightly toned, tanned, very tanned, dark....etc..." if it is indeed a matter of skin color attraction. But in the end the domain of sexual attractions inevitably bumps into the matter of race. Also, skin is not the only factor of a hangup; maybe litttle white boy doesn't like small eyes...(sorry for being stereotypical).
Jake, if people were to post the same 'No blacks' or 'no Latinos' for job applications or research grants, there would be an incredible amount of backlash, and hell to pay. Despite the fact that sex is a personal choice, it is racist to be so open about one's exclusion of a race. It's the simple fact that people are allowed to be openly racist on grindr or on dating sites that bothers me. There are a million skin tones when it comes to Asians, after all, for Arabs, Persians, Indians, Indonesians, Thais, Chinese, Koreans, Mongolians and Japanese are all Asians. Likewise, from the olive skin tones of Italians to the Nordic whiter than snow skin tones of Swedes, Europeans come in a large variety. It does not makes sense to exclude a whole race based on simple stereotypes, which are often easily broken.
Despite your explanations, "No Asians" is still being racist.
1. Preference to specific skin tones cannot rationalize racial hang-ups is not racist. There are always borderlines among different races. Between similarly tanned (or pale) guys, accepting one while rejecting another by race is just racism.
2. If an Asian thinks Asians are least attractive, (s)he is probably more sympathetic to white people being racist to Asians. Most of Asians (not all) saying Asians are not attractive are self-hating, and being racist to themselves ironically. They don't like Asians raising their own voice or admiring themselves.
3. Some people may not be interested in some type of people, but that doesn't mean that there is nothing wrong with hurting them. And if their hatred is based on race then they are Asian-haters and it is fine to say they are racists.
What would you say if a straight guy keeps saying gays are unattractive and undesirable, and that "don't be gay, be a man." publicly, but then says he is not homophobic, but simply shows his personal preference?
I'd say that not only is he homophobic(with intense masculinity issues)but, he's probably, at least, a little bit gay(as in curious)himself.
HOMOPHOBIA, that's fear of someone who acts gay. "BE STRAIGHT ACTING" & "BE MACHO" on gay profile. I'm not interested in someone who's HOMOPHOBIA AKA HOMONOID" (PARANOID)
it's not healthy for me.
This article was an unfocused rant that sort of made sense until he wrote "But men who put NO ASIANS on their profile are not stating a preference."
If writing "No Asians" on a profile is not stating a preference, I don't know what is. In this case, it is easier to write "No Asians" than to write "I prefer White, Black, Indian, Arab, Latino, Native..." You get the picture!
The author also clearly hasn't looked up the definition of racism before he used it so liberally here...
It's a preference, a racist preference.
I worked for five years at an online cruising site, checking profiles for prohibited content, so I've probably read more of these than just about anyone. The experience totally soured me on using e-cruising. From the start, I was always appalled at comments like 'no asians' - site policy allowed it, but the site's suggestion section urged users to instead say the positive form 'prefer white/latino guys' for example. Even though I (shamefully) admit my own sexual tastes do not include all races. I couldn't understand people who would be willing to publish this fact openly, next to (often explicit) photographs of themselves. One rationale we always fell back on (for this and many other issues) was that allowing a person to unwittingly reveal how repugnant they are is actually a service to fellow users who might might otherwise have been interested to meet them. I am floored that there's Douchebags of Grindr site - I feel so stupid that in five years of dealing with my own disgust, that this idea never occurred to me. I can't wait to check it out and I hope it includes content from ALL the gay cruising sites.
I worked for five years at an online cruising site, checking profiles for prohibited content, so I've probably read more of these than just about anyone. The experience totally soured me on using e-cruising. From the start, I was always appalled at comments like 'no asians' - site policy allowed it, but the site's suggestion section urged users to instead say the positive form 'prefer white/latino guys' for example. Even though I (shamefully) admit my own sexual tastes do not include all races. I couldn't understand people who would be willing to publish this fact openly, next to (often explicit) photographs of themselves. One rationale we always fell back on (for this and many other issues) was that allowing a person to unwittingly reveal how repugnant they are is actually a service to fellow users who might might otherwise have been interested to meet them. I am floored that there's Douchebags of Grindr site - I feel so stupid that in five years of dealing with my own disgust, that this idea never occurred to me. I can't wait to check it out and I hope it includes content from ALL the gay cruising sites.
I generally believe that it stops being "just a personal preference" and becomes a part of awider existing social stigma when they put it out in public.
To the white guys.. if I wrote "No whites", how would you feel??
I don't understand how gay community can say out loud that they want to be respected, to be accepted as they are and within their difference, while when they discriminate other people themselves.
And yes, writing "no asians" is not just a preference, even on a dating website. It's a clear message of racism. No one should accepted that.
this is very surprising and shocking to me. I am 23 asian who live in France and I never had a problem finding a boyfriend. Of course some guys aren't attracted to asians, but some guys aren't attracted to blonde, some aren't attracted to tall or anything else. that's life.
I just don't understand so stupid retarded guys who put "no asian" as if there were superior to anyone.
I'm asian and I believe the white guys that post "no asians, blacks or hispanics need apply" are aholes. I remember back in the late 90s and early 2000s when sex clubs here in LA excluded Asians and blacks from entering. They said they were having a private party. But when white guys that liked asians found out about it or accompanied the asians that were kicked out, the white guys blew up. These clubs shortly closed down. I think by the city because of the racism. I was told my membership was cancelled by the Zone in LA about 10 years ago. I was floored. I guess they had too many asians there. But the guy behind the counter looked at me and said "You know what, you seem like a nice guy, I'll let you in". I went in but the club kinda sucked.
Honestly, in my opinion preference in who you want to date etc. is NOT racist in any way. The racist part is putting NO ASIANS, BLACKS, FATS, etc. because it's pretty saying like "Oh you're not welcome here." Fair to say, we wouldn't even be having this conversation if people didn't specifically exclude others by putting a "No" in front of things. I agree with what people have said with the just deleting the message. No big deal, the person on the other end will get the message that you're not interested. Honestly, dating within ones race has been a sort of "tradition" since prehistoric times. Only recently within the last hundreds of years has interracial relationships started becoming more apparent. That's probably how it's going to be for a while and everyone's just going to have to accept it.
On a more understanding side, I'll admit this with honesty that most asian guys within the LGBT community aren't visually appealing. Maybe like a few, but that's the reason why asian guys tend to be attracted to the white male. I'm in that position where guys I'm not attracted to talk to me, i don't discriminate against them or post things saying im not into them. I give them the benefit of the doubt and actually talk to them, if we're just no compatible, i stop putting in the effort. The difference here is that I'm not openly excluding them.
What we as a society and whole need to learn is to be more accepting of others in general. There's already enough discrimination going on with straights and gays etc. and the whole scenario with the masculine gays and feminine gays. Its like regardless, there's always something to critique. The Land of the Free? Really? Because it doesn't seem like it. We are all supposed to be EQUALS. We all have the same unalienable rights that our founding fathers wanted for us. Is that not the American dream?
I honestly without a doubt believe that there are attractive people within every race. I do, and honestly I'm willing to give it a try with them to experiment "explore different waters" as they say. If you give it a try and it's just not right then you know what you like and you have every right ti pursue it. "Pursuit of Happiness" right there. Fine, thats fair. Just don't put yourselves in the position to stir up controversy amongst different races, because in the end that's only going to push us all farther apart, when we desperately need to stand together. What I'm trying to say is, Don't judge a book by its cover or should i say dont judge a person because of their race or skin color.
I know that in every race, there's those people we all consider "embarassments." and those type of people cause these judgements. Alright yes, I know some older Asian guys are creepy and can be weird at times. But what about the young, cute Asian boy who's dedicated and has ambitions in life? Exactly, you just wont know unless you try.
From: An open-minded young Asian Boy.
Don't say OLDER ASIANS are creepy or can be weird because you're young asian will be CREEPY or WEIRD in your 50ish-60ish.
I said "at times" so settle down sir. That's what I find to be true. I didnt say "Oh all older asian men are so creepy and weird." I said SOME older asian guys can be creepy and weird at times. Like i guess they just have a different way of doing things, that i find a tad bit odd. That's just my intake, it could be different with others. But everyone has a right to an opinion.
I fear I am one of those men who'se body does not respond to men unless they look like me, smell like me, have textures like me, and who have a specific body type, hair color and a similar background. Thats the kind of guy I was raised with, those are the guys I had my first crushes on, and the men I had my first experiences with. I have always felt that sex was so very personal, an intimacy that requires a certain acceptance of the other person at a basic level. I have found from my personal experience a very specific type turns me on. I now know what type that is, however, in the begining, when I was first out, when a guy froam a different race hit on me, or flirted with me, I felt almost obligated to return the emotion, When push came to shove, no chance of an erection was the result. If I saw my 'type' I knew immediately if he was a prospect. I have been called racist by many of my gay brothers for my lack of physical response to people outside my own race. I never really knew how to address them. Its like being called a mysonginist because I am not physically attracted to women. How on earrth do you address that kind of accusation? By having sex with some one who does not turn you on? Or accepting the hurtful term as a racist? I think each of us is attracted to certain types, physical characteristics, scents/odors, even eye color. Thats why we are represented by a rainbow. We come in every shape, size and color, some one for everyone, and I like it that way. The world would be a tad boring if we all looked alike, spoke alike, and loved alike. One need not be called a racist for accepting the type of man who stirs our soul.
The concept here follows a very clear pattern. And that is: although ones sexual preferences may appear to be something personal, or developed through life experiences; society has more or less constructed ones perception and thus allotted one with the responsibility of breaking free of these socially constructed forms of discrimination. One's personal preferences are fluid and ever changing, and although we may like to assume the notion that, YES our personal preferences are something we cannot control. Well, in this case YOU CAN, in the same way that your personal preferences change from liking 18 year olds to 80 year olds as a reflection on ones age.
The real question here is: Who gives a shit?
The real answer here is: Gay men who are NOT racist.
If you are a racist just come right out and say it, like those KKK members. At least they don't hide behind the "it's just my preference" shield.
The answer is: Gay men who are NOT racist.
If you are a racist just come right out and say it like those KKK members. At least they don't hide behind the "it's just my preference" shield.
I get why a-holes post such things (no Asians,blacks etc..) what I really don't get is I think there are cute guys in every race. As a black male I have dated black,white,Latino you name it LOL! I have dated couple Asians and think there hot! But 90% of the time they wont even look at me! I get hit on all the time by other races! I just for my life can't understand how such a ridiculously high percentage of Asians are white only! I usually ignore Asian post because I know for the most part I don't have a ice cubes chance in hell of getting a reply LOL! I just don't get it!
Read my previous post.
It may explain EVERYTHING.
I understand what the author is saying! I have seen the no Asian post and as a black male I have definitely seen the no blacks posts. I don't believe it's racist to be attracted to a particular race! However it takes a special type of a-hole to say something like that! I think it boils down to many people have to feel that there better than someone! Says a lot about that person!
So by the logic of this article I would be a homophobic raciest because I'm a white male who seeks white members of the opposite sex?
Extreme logic can be used on both fronts.
Bonjour! A little Hello from France! I just crashed on this page, I still wonder why... Google Magic Vortex, I assume. Nice article btw, I read many of the comments, and I must say most of them are right in their own perspective. So I won't debate what has already been said, i'll just share my little experience here.
I'm asian, I'm gay, and luckily enough, I'm not too ugly. Cute enough to pick the guys I want, though not enough to get all the ones I want. But who is, anyway? I'm often told "You're hot for an asian", or "I'm really not into asians, but I'd gladly fuck you". It saddens me, but this is reality.
I prefer dating white guys, scruffy lads and hipsters are to-ta-ly my type, but I'm quite open-minded. I've been with white guys from all over Europe, latinos, arabians, some asian guys too, i'm not fond of black guys, but I wouldn't say no to some of them :D The fact that most asians in western countries are only attracted to white guys is true, and the fact that gay white guys, turned on by gay asians is a minority, is also true. Maybe France is a little particular since ethnic/race statistics are constitutionnally forbidden and things are never said straightforwardly, but I have watched the gay scene change over the years. During the past decade, the asian scene has grown from non-existent to the point there seems to be more and more gay asians/dating sites/parties. I remember I was like the only one around in the late 90's... Well, I know this is not racism, it is sometimes hard to accept, but we can't force people to like us. We just have to go on with it and look where we're wanted/desired. Seduction is a matter of spirit, after all. Oh, and I'm single by the way ;)
Doux baisers de France ♥
(sweet kisses from France, and sorry if my english is clumsy ^^)
generally, asian men are more committed to their partner.
white men care more about themselves.
see the divorce rate of straight marriages of asian couples, and white couples.
I'm going to put this as black/white as possible. If those who are not interested in Asians, then they're not interested in Asians period. If you think about this, it is never a good time when one person is not turned on when being sexually involve with another person. You can't force someone to be attracted to you, you have to let it happen. When you encounter someone that you find attractive who is not attracted to you, have the strength to move onto the next rather than dreading the disappointment. Do you really want to be with someone who isn't really that into you? That is the worst case scenario to be in.
Now, is it racist to say 'No Asians' on your profile? No, it's not racist. It's a site where they are possibly dating or trying to hook up. At the end of the day, gays don't care about your intelligence, philosophy, your work, and etc. All they want to know if you're nice and have the physical attraction to go straight to bed. This is not a site where they are posting a job ad and looking to hire you. If this was on a job ad, then it would be considered racist. Racism is discrimination of ethnicity, gender, sexuality, and age from keeping them to doing activities like everyone else can do. Sex is also consider an activity but that is something for two or even multiple individuals agree upon to do together, TOGETHER.
Do I think it's rude to put 'No Asians' on your profile? Yes, because you can't automatically assume that some Asian is going to view your profile and then message you. Later, trying to stalk and spy on you. Perhaps even become overly obsessed with you. News flash buddy, when people message you online with a 'hi', 'what's up', 'how are you doing' or 'nice pics :)', don't automatically assume they want to get to bed with you like now. It's your lack of intuition and judgement for putting down 'No Asians' to make such assumptions.
btw I'm gay Vietnamese American and I don't give a shit what America thinks anymore.
Asians are usually more racist. they won't date anyone who isn't white, not even other asians or blacks.
Right... and by which statistical study do you base this on, or is it pulled out from the deepest recesses of your nether regions?
BULLSHIT!. asians are not USUALLY racist. who's the most racist? WHITE!!!!.
This topic is discussed ad nauseum.... The bottom line is just state your preference without mentioning the exclusion of a certain trait or race and everyone will be happy. I prefer whites, Latinos, and asians.
White people are the most racist. They just hide it well or give thousands of excuses for their being racist. They think racism is gone because they like Chinese or Thai food, or have tattoos of Chinese characters while hating Asian "people".
White people are bored by being called racist because it's not their problem. They often say people need to focus on real problems like gay issues, shutting up about race issues, but their "real" issues are actually about making all the white people equal or maximizing their benefits. Gay issues are the same. They are all about white gays. Other gays are marginal, negligible, or should be ostracized. Don't be taken advantage of by naively helping white gays.
Isn't that normal for people to want to marry someone with the same culture and values?
That's hardly the case here. What statements of this sort (NO ASIANS) reflect is not the desire for familiarity and common values, but the rejection of a particular set of qualities. The two are not the same.
Your grasp of topic will undoubtedly vary a great deal in different in different parts of the world. Especially if you live somewhere where there are no Asians, somewhere there are no Gays or somewhere with a lot of Asians. Lets not accuse people of being racist and looking to date other racists.
Anyone can see there are 2 main factors here which are generalizations and unfounded but make a good starting point:
1. Some parts of the world are VERY POPULAR for Asians to move to. (For example Vancouver)
2. Some Asians really like white people.
I have Asian friends, both Gay Male and Female. They both only pursue white men. They refuse to date other Asians. The girl told me her sister is the same.
First off I have to speak my mind about your "News Story" - If you want to write a 3 page article on something meaningless, why not ASK someone who wrote "NO ASIANS" why they did it? Because your story would suck harder than a gay man with a cock in his mouth? I have asked my White friends about this and I will explain what my understanding of this is. (I don't think its a news flash)
The dating sites where I live appear to have a very large population of Asians. Simply because a lot of Asians live here. Maybe Asians also like On-line Dating, I don't know. My white friends have told me that most of the messages they receive are from Asians. Maybe because there are lots of Asians on the dating site? Who knows for sure.
Its not unreasonable to theorize that some white people grow tired of logging in and checking messages, seeing its from an Asian who they not attracted to and eventually stoop to adding a NO ASIANS disclaimer out of frustration. It is unlikely someone new to on-line dating would sign up, and during a first crack at writing a profile, decide to throw in NO ASIANS.
People who go on a dating site looking for love or affection probably feel lonely and sad and they feel a glimmer of excitement going to check a new message. After a string of disappointments from being offered money for sex, and other messages from people they have no interest in, they become self doubting and take out their frustration by updating their profiles. "No Asians" "I'm not a hooker" "No fat people" ect.
Some people will try to hide their race, age, weight, attractiveness in their on-line profiles with selective photos and missing information. People who are mislead by these people probably feel their time has been wasted and this likely also leads to the profile updates and negative disclaimers.
Alexander, I question if you have been to China to discover how absolutely racist Chinese people are. They also have no animal rights or human rights there at all either. They exported children's toys with lead in them. Sorry to trash your "ignorance is bliss" privileged north american view on things. Asians are the most RACIST people on this earth. So this thinly veiled Anti White news story just makes you appear even more ignorant than the people you are labelling racist. Growing up in California as a Half Asian Journalist writing about bullshit you may not have taken the time to even ask a Chinese person from China how they feel about people from India or from other parts of China.
People simply write "No Asians" because they have no class. If they had a lot to offer as a potential lover or partner then wouldn't be on the internet looking for people to spend time with.
What else do I have to say about this? It is crude for people to post "No Asians" "No Fats" "No Fems" and it shows a lack of class and tack on the part of the person posting these disclaimers. Unfortunately on a sex site people are not trying to display tact and manners. They display their ass-holes, penises and their balls. Someone with a tattoo around their ass-hole with pictures of themselves being fisted probably doest care if you think they are a racist and that you wont take them home to meet your grandmother.
However, on a DATING site its rare to see such a disclaimer especially if its a paid site like e-harmony or their gay version of e-harmony which the name of I don't remember.
The correct procedure on any site would be to simply delete the messages from the people you are not interested, take it as a compliment and move on. It doesn't take long to delete a message. Showing class and not looking like a racist goes a long way.
This is just another reason why white people should not say anything because people call them Racist. Calling white people Racist is easy and boring.
-The real question is: When will white people learn to stop giving people reasons to call the racist?
Sadly, you have quite stereotypical white people problems.
1. You raised only two or three people among minority then generalize the whole group. ( your gay Asian and a female friends).
2. You said whites are bored about hearing racist call, but you even worsely blame Asians that they are the most racist. You're too much full of yourself so that you don't understand how you will look like to the other racial group. This is a typical white people problem.
I wish you will realize you are quite judgmental and full of yourself like typical white guys.
I'm an equal-opportunity slut and I would do (and have done) a person of any race who happened to be sexy. That said, the individuals I know who are most open about what I'll call their "biases" happen to be a black guy (who is not interested in blacks) and an Asian guy (doesn't like Asians). I always feel pity for them--they're missing out on, say, the Thai top who shtupped me while my armoire was being delivered, the African-American dude who had the best body of anyone I ever slept with but wouldn't let me touch his coiffure, or the Venezuelan (oh GOD that Venezuelan, we went at it for DAYS)... Perhaps the proper feeling towards the biased folk is not hatred or even resentment, but pity.
As a black, openly bisexual man, I definitely see the racism(and biphobia)in the gay community that NO ONE's willing to acknowledge exists. People of color aren't allowed into certain bars or restaurants, apartments, jobs in LGBT-owned & operated businesses, etc., only to then see white gay men try to claim & co-opt every aspect of black & Hispanic culture, from the music to the swagger to the fashion, and don't even get me started about those guys who try to drag us into any argument they're losing and claim to be "the new black"...whenever it's politically advantageous to do so.
Regarding white men not wanting to sleep with Asian men, big deal. No offense, but, Asian men aren't missing ANYTHING. Sorry. I've been with black, white, Hispanic & Asian men, and I can honestly say that, sexually speaking, Asian dudes are some of the most UNDER-RATED guys on the planet. They have a quiet sensuality that many we find at odds with our way of boasting about being "sexy & we know it(especially those who aren't)", leading the less aware to confuse the Asian guys' behaviour with subservience & effeminacy, especially those sad gay guys who are OBSESSED with the BS A&F Bruce Weber WASP high school locker room macho aesthetic which, ironically, is the complete opposite of what they actually are, so, in essence, white guys are rejecting Asian guys because the formers perceives the latter as being the physical manifestation of what he doesn't like about himself, which is sad because white guys, like everyone else could learn much from Asian men, as I have.
For example:
1.Their subtle sensuality & physicality are unmatched, and God forbid they get muscular bodies. Then they REALLY are spectacular-looking, especially the really beautifully-faced guys. Pure Masculine beauty, what many others try to give the illusion that they have.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7d735rSD4M
2.The clarity of their skin & hair, like Native Americans' is exceptional, what other ethnicities, whites especially, spend BILLIONS trying to achieve. Ours would be, too, if our ancestors had spent the past 10,000 generations eating a mostly fish-based(Omega 3s)diet, which I've now adopted,and my brown skin has NEVER looked more awesome!
All of the botox, steroids, fake tans, etc., in the world won't give you the lusciousness that Asian guys have naturally.
Asian guys(& POC, in general)should to stop agonizing about whether white guys accept or reject them. If anything, those "No Asians, blacks, Hispanics, etc." guys do POCs a great favor by letting us know exactly how tragically MEDIOCRE they really are. They reject you because they cannot handle you.
Do not fall for the ILLUSION of gay WASP "superiority", no matter how much they exclude you from so many aspects of gay life..
It's a LIE. Always has been. Always will be.
Besides, if I see one more hot person of color/ugly white troll couple, I'll hurl, though, of course, it's never anyone's place to try to dictate anyone else's relationships, but, for the record, that coupling makes the POC look like an ethnic self-loather who's w/ the white guy for money or some WARPED sense of status, at the very least, as unfair an unnecessary judgment as that may seem. IMO, if you do date outside of your ethnicity, smarten up & pursue only those as hot, sensual & luscious as you are because, trust me, they're NOT lowering their standards to date you. Then, you'll NEVER feel compromised. As a black bisexual man, the ONLY white, Hispanic & Asian bisexual men & women I pursue are also tall, with high cheekbones & full lips, who revel in their sensuality and, therefore, are not threatened by mine. I'll be damned if I leave my black kings & queens(women), just to bring home Woody Allen!LOL Not gonna happen!
To clarify, I'm a proud black man, fully aware of my peoples' awesome accomplishments, abilities, issues, etc., but, when I see other people who get it right, as a people, I have to applaud them and learn from them, in this case, team Asian!:)
I find your description of Asian men equally stereotypical. 'Subtle sensuality', 'Clarity of skin', what nonesense. I find traits these in all 'races'. Having slept with all kinds of people I find that it's best to always try to be open to what you may find sexy about someone. You may be surprised and even get to like Woody Allen. Like food you can acquire taste in men of different races/looks etc... That's why I think it is stupid to block Asians or any other categories. For me, I have always liked to date people that physically do not look like me (I am white, very tall, moderately hairy), because I enjoy the difference. The same counts for personality traits.
Furthermore, people that feel the need to proclaim that they are a 'proud black man' and talk about gay WASP superiority always get me very very weary. That's just the other side of the self-loathing 'coin'.
Perhaps your irritation arises out of the fear that whenever people of color appreciate their own and each others' beauty & sensuality, white guys like you lose access to it.:)
LOL
I'm always amused at just how thoroughly some whites get unnerved and annoyed whenever people of color acknowledge/appreciate themselves and each other.:)
Sucks to be them.
Thank you for your comment! Very inspiring and not in the least condescending. Hooray for POCs knowing their own worth! (29-year-old, openly gay, Asian guy here.)
No problem, just calling it like I see it.:)
Thanks to you & everyone who responded.
Namaste.