Morrissey Was The Worst Pen Pal Ever
By Greg Garry
Gentle readers shocked by Morrissey's poisonous diatribes against David Bowie, Siouxsie Sioux, and British journalist Julie Burchill, et al., in his No. 1-in-the-UK-bestselling Penguin Classic, Autobiography, need to have a glance at Morrisseyscans.com/wordsbymorrissey.
This blog has actual scans of hilarious handwritten anti-love letters that Morrissey wrote to his long suffering Scottish pen pal Robert Mackie. Morrissey goes off on Mackie's country of origin, his vocabulary, as well as his musical tastes, saving particular disdain for Gary Numan. (The avowed 'Humasexual' [sic] simply refers to the Cars singer as "Miss Numan").
Bitchiest bits are below:
"Does being Scottish bother you? I'm unhappy, hope you're unhappy too."
"Everyone in Scotland is named Robert or or Billy or Jimmae."
"Thank you for your letter, which had nothing remotely to do with the English language as we know it."
"I was astounded to see the word 'paroxysm' in your epistle-it must've taked you ages to find that one, sonny."
"I have a girlfriend named Annalisa. We're both bisexual. Real hip huh? I hate sex."
"Do you really like Kate Bush? I'm not surprised. The nicest thing I can say about her is she's unbearable. That voice! Such trash."
Kate Bush was not available for comment.
I could read this shit all day! The letters were sent in 1980-81, putting the mope rock titan at around 21. Proof positive that he was always a bitter little pill.
P.S. Moz, please be my pen pal…I'm Scottish and a ginger.