Everything That’s Wrong With Paris Hilton’s 'Good Time Extended Teaser'

10.4.2013

By Alex Panisch

If I really wanted to save you time, I’d just list that what was right about it.

On Wednesday I introduced you to the latest single from no-talent fame-whore, Paris Hilton. It was a special moment for all involved. Now she’s unleashed the extended teaser for the her new track/definitive proof that there can be no loving God. Why does "Good Time" need an extended teaser? 'Cause if I she’s out of the public eye for more than 6 seconds, she’ll die. Here’s a break down of teaser, so you can see excellently when and how the video falls apart.

0:02 - Right off the bat, no I'm not having a good time. This is happening to my eyes and ears.

0:04 – That bedazzled “Rich Girl” tank top. Because, just in case you forgot, Paris has more money now than you or anybody you know will ever in have in your entire lives.

0:06 – That click you just heard, that was the sound guy sparking up a bowl, because he needed something to get him through this.

0:08 – The dubbing is super off on that right there. Rewind the video and watch. It’s like 70s kung-fu movie bad.

0:09 - THOSE EYES. Those cold, dead, doll’s eyes will haunt my dreams and sire my nightmares until the day the Grim Reaper gives me sweet release.

0:12 - What she means is "I might be a bit tipsy, but that's okay 'cause you're here to hold my hair back when I vom in a urinal/the glovebox/ all over you."

0:13 – Interesting wardrobe choice. Is that one-piece supposed to be jaw-droppingly hideous or is it supposed to represent how she feels about herself on the inside?

0:19 – Clearly nobody in this shot is having a good time. These extras have probably been on-set all day because Paris locked herself in her trailer for 7 hours when she saw that the coke spoon they provided for her didn’t match her outfit.

0:21 – Round 2 for the sound guy; we’re right there with you pal.

0:35 – If that’s all she knows, then she better take some night classes at the Learning Annex or something. I saw the tape, homegirl ain’t Sasha Grey.

0:38 – False! Her ass is so flat I could roll out a piecrust on it.

Tags: Popnography
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