@RebelWilson
"I would never online date..unless it was for 'comedy research.' The other things I've done for 'comedy research' include fat camp, drinking..."
@NicoleRichie
"Telling people you're on a juice cleanse is a perfect way to make sure everyone is visualizing you having diarrhea."
@ItsBennyBlanco
"My cab driver just got pulled over... He is trying to keep my fare going."
@ChrissyTeigen
"Sometimes, instead of fighting, the right thing to say is simply, 'touche'.."
@TheSulk
"I stare at the tube of toothpaste on the floor next to the sink, crestfallen."
