Armistead Maupin: 'We Give Our Families Too Much Slack When They Vote for Homophobes'
2.15.2012
By Out.com Editors
Writer Armistead Maupin told the UK's Pink News that he's "outraged" over GOP presidential candidates using homophobia to rally their base, and said LGBT people need to let families members know it does matter when they vote for them.
"I’m outraged that there are currently major candidates for President of the United States who are using homophobia to rally their base," said the Tales of the City author. "I’m pissed off at my Republican family back in North Carolina, several of whom came to my wedding, but who went right back and are voting for homophobes and acting like it doesn’t matter. It does matter and it’s time for the queers in this country to start saying so to their families. I think we’ve all cut them too much slack for far too long."
Maupin also said that writing Tales of the City helped him realize his role in the world as a gay man.
"I came out in the course of writing Tales of The City and realized that part of my function was to be very clear and very public as a gay man," he said. "I’m prouder of that than anything I’ve else done."
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I can't believe the bozos that are running on the Republican ballot, thank God I'm a Democrat! My Mom and Dad accepted me being Gay from the start. They were great. But it really pisses me off that my Partner (of 42 years) and I can't get married, and we live in the great "liberal" state of California, shit!!
When I came out to my family years ago, only my mom was accepting. My sister would have been cool with my being gay, but her hillbilly husband put the brakes on that. It was with great pain that I "divorced" myself from my family after my mom died, but I couldn't be a part of a family unit that were very homophobic. Since then, several of my relatives have died, but I never broke my vow never to associate with them even in death. I made my own "family' and have never been happier.
Hi Jackson,
How did you know who supported your decision to marry and who did not? Also, how did your family members who weren't invited react when you told them why? Were they hurt, angry, regretful, understanding, or did they even care?
Some people have a total disconnect, thinking that their homophobia and voting for homophobic candidates does not hurt us on a very person level. It does. LGBT are not stupid, and are listening and watching.
Do they think that in the 60s, that they could fight for white segregation and then have a misguided belief that blacks would just be "okay" with that, and somehow compartamentalize everything in a detached way?
Just because we are polite and composed, does not mean that there is not a direct connection, and that we do not privately acknowledge and form a perception about them based on their actions, political or otherwise. I take exception to viciously-homophobic candidates who spew vile rhetoric, then claim to have "all of these gay friends" (who of course, all supposedly agree with their positions).
Privately, I make huge judgments about people if they express political positions - yet I can make a fine distinction between, "full-acceptance", versus, "evolving", "ignorant, but not mean-spirited", versus "hard-core unapologetically homophobic without mercy".
To Nathan and Evan: I did grow up with overt hostility, and there was a two decade evolution that took place. I moved to another state, and set boundaries to how I was to be treated, but did not try to force acceptance either - I just let family members grow and develop on their own and find their own information.
It took a lot of patience, and while at many times, I would have felt completely-justified to sever all ties for life to punish some unconsciousable cruelty. But doing so, I would have lost the future which has evolved into something that I could have never predicted nor imagined, where there is complete acceptance now.
At least once, I did cut off all ties, until family members got the message loud and clear - they can disagree, but they must be respectful. No name-calling of anti-gay epithets, no Sunday school lessons, no attacks on my dignity or my privacy, no invasive questions about what I do not do not do in bed, and I will not justify my right to exist and make positive contributions to society and the right to live in peace without be antagonized.
It took a lot of patience, professionalism, and self-respect where I enforced how I was to be treated, yet gave others the latitude to believe as they like, but to not have emotional discussions, just agree to disagree.
I think taking this approach gives a lot of people their own space to sort things out in their own minds, find their own information, have the right to their own feelings and process everything in their way, at their own pace. When they are receptive to have intelligent, meaningful conversations where they want to listen and not impose their views, then they will reach out and an earnest and sincere way.
Some people have a total disconnect, thinking that their homophobia and voting for homophobic candidates does not hurt us on a very person level. It does. LGBT are not stupid, and are listening and watching.
Do they think that in the 60s, that they could fight for white segregation and then have a misguided belief that blacks would just be "okay" with that, and somehow compartamentalize everything in a detached way?
Just because we are polite and composed, does not mean that there is not a direct connection, and that we do not privately acknowledge and form a perception about them based on their actions, political or otherwise. I take exception to viciously-homophobic candidates who spew vile rhetoric, then claim to have "all of these gay friends" (who of course, all supposedly agree with their positions).
Privately, I make huge judgments about people if they express political positions - yet I can make a fine distinction between, "full-acceptance", versus, "evolving", "ignorant, but not mean-spirited", versus "hard-core unapologetically homophobic without mercy".
To Nathan: I did grow up with overt hostility, and there was a two decade evolution that took place. I moved to another state, and set boundaries to how I was to be treated, but did not try to force acceptance either - I just let family members grow and develop on their own and find their own information.
It took a lot of patience, and while at many times, I would have felt completely-justified to sever all ties for life to punish some unconsciousable cruelty. But doing so, I would have lost the future which has evolved into something that I could have never predicted nor imagined, where there is complete acceptance now.
At least once, I did cut off all ties, until family members got the message loud and clear - they can disagree, but they must be respectful. No name-calling of anti-gay epithets, no Sunday school lessons, no attacks on my dignity or my privacy, no invasive questions about what I do not do not do in bed, and I will not justify my right to exist and make positive contributions to society and the right to live in peace without be antagonized.
It took a lot of patience, professionalism, and self-respect where I enforced how I was to be treated, yet gave others the latitude to believe as they like, but to not have emotional discussions, just agree to disagree.
I think taking this approach gives a lot of people their own space to sort things out in their own minds, find their own information, have the right to their own feelings and process everything in their way, at their own pace. When they are receptive to have intelligent, meaningful conversations where they want to listen and not impose their views, then they will reach out and an earnest and sincere way.
way to go armistead there is also a great article at pink,net
you are one of my favorite writers
I've grown so tired of hearing my parents rant that I cut ties last week. The speeches by the Republican candidates have propelled mom and dad to grow increasingly bold. My family tries to tell me that the Republicans and their fundamentalist church aren't anti-gay. (Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.) The last straw was their antagonistic attitude toward public school teachers... the career that I've had for the past 17 years. It really hurts to withdraw from them, but on another level, it's also very freeing.
Some people have a total disconnect, thinking that their homophobia and voting for homophobic candidates does not hurt us on a very person level. It does. LGBT are not stupid, and are listening and watching.
Do they think that in the 60s, that they could fight for white segregation and then have a misguided belief that blacks would just be "okay" with that, and somehow compartamentalize everything in a detached way?
Just because we are polite and composed, does not mean that there is not a direct connection, and that we do not privately acknowledge and form a perception about them based on their actions, political or otherwise. I take exception to viciously-homophobic candidates who spew vile rhetoric, then claim to have "all of these gay friends" (who of course, all supposedly agree with their positions).
Privately, I make huge judgments about people if they express political positions - yet I can make a fine distinction between, "full-acceptance", versus, "evolving", "ignorant, but not mean-spirited", versus "hard-core unapologetically homophobic without mercy".
To Nathan: I did grow up with overt hostility, and there was a two decade evolution that took place. I moved to another state, and set boundaries to how I was to be treated, but did not try to force acceptance either - I just let family members grow and develop on their own and find their own information.
It took a lot of patience, and while at many times, I would have felt completely-justified to sever all ties for life to punish some unconsciousable cruelty. But doing so, I would have lost the future which has evolved into something that I could have never predicted nor imagined, where there is complete acceptance now.
At least once, I did cut off all ties, until family members got the message loud and clear - they can disagree, but they must be respectful. No name-calling of anti-gay epithets, no Sunday school lessons, no attacks on my dignity or my privacy, no invasive questions about what I do not do not do in bed, and I will not justify my right to exist and make positive contributions to society and the right to live in peace without be antagonized.
It took a lot of patience, professionalism, and self-respect where I enforced how I was to be treated, yet gave others the latitude to believe as they like, but to not have emotional discussions, just agree to disagree.
I think taking this approach gives a lot of people their own space to sort things out in their own minds, find their own information, have the right to their own feelings and process everything in their way, at their own pace. When they are receptive to have intelligent, meaningful conversations where they want to listen and not impose their views, then they will reach out and an earnest and sincere way.
When I married my husband close to 8 years ago (a week after Massachusetts first legalized marriage equality), we only invited friends and family who supported marriage equality. If they didn't, and there were some close family members who didn't, then they weren't invited to be part of our special day. Period. And when those not invited questioned why, we were very upfront in telling them that their belief that "marriage is between a man and a woman" prevented us from enjoying their company at out wedding and thus they were excluded.
I'm sick of my family supporting homophobic candidates or religions. I find their indifference astounding. It has been a growing desire to cut off ties with them, and they aren't even as bad as some families I've heard about. I can't even imagine what it must be like for someone who grew up with overt hostility.
I don't believe that religions can be homophobic... I think it is the people who say they follow said religion, or say that their holy text tells them that homosexuality is bad or evil. It is all interpretation, and unfortunately, also fear. I have to remind myself to not hate them though, and instead pity them for their fear of what they cannot or will not understand. I agree with you that the support of homophobic candidates is extremely damaging to both the family and community around them, and I think that the politicization of human sexuality is a huge mistake.
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