Glee Recap: Put a Ring on It

1.18.2012

By Jon Roth

It's marryin' season at McKinley High, and everyone wants a piece of the action.

While Finn storms, Becky struts toward Arty in the hallway and sends him a sext: "I just sent you a taste of what you're gonna get Friday night," she says (just imagine Helen Mirren saying that). This freaks out Arty sufficiently for him to seek counsel from Sue Sylvester, who tells him to treat her like a normal person and tell her he's not interested. Good advice.

As Emma nudges Mr. Schue about marriage, he suddenly has second thoughts because of her OCD, doubting whether she can handle the mess of a baby, etc. I've never seen him act a bigger fool. Poor Emma is crying and breathless and tells Schuester to stop leading her on if he's not genuinely interested. I just want to give her a big hug (followed with the application of some disinfectant spray, to settle her nerves).

Kurt, Rachel and Finn share a dinner where they all worry about their future (Didn’t you guys hear? You’re sticking around for another season). Finn begins to bare his soul about his father and the army, so of course Rachel starts singing about how she loves Finn (conveniently muting anything that Finn actually says). That Rachel – selflessness personified. The song is “Without You,” which drives home her attachment to Finn with some killer high notes. This totally makes up for that overwrought Marchesa dress at the Golden Globes.

And it’s finally proposal time. Schue leads Emma down the school hallway, where various folks hand her (sanitized, dethorned) white roses. They step into the school swim room, where Glee boys in retro shorts and tanks and girls in kicky red, white and blue one-pieces deliver an extravagant synchronized swim routine to Rihanna’s “We Found Love.” Even Arty careens into the pool, wheelchair and all, only to miraculously resurface in one of those floaty chaise longue devices.

So there’s singing and swimming, swimming and singing. Emma sits in the lifeguard chair (which is a wise choice, considering a high school swimming pool is probably the most unsanitary bacterial breeding ground on the whole premises). Mr. Schue appears in a painful white tuxedo with tails and a top hat. He dives into the pool – thankfully ruining the suit with chlorine stains – and approaches Emma with a sweet, if novel-length, proposal. Emma performs the requisite fanning maneuver as if she needs her smelling salts (has a girl ever NOT done this when being proposed to?) and then says yes.

Brrrrrrrring! Proposal’s over and everyone’s dried off and heading to class. Arty gets up the nerve to tell Becky they shouldn’t date. “Is it because I’m too intimidating?” she asks, and Arty nods. Then she slams her locker and Dame Mirren takes over: “I didn’t ask him if he wasn’t interested in me because I had Down’s, because I knew the answer was yes... Don’t let them see you cry, Becky.” And then I wanted to cry. Happily, Sue is there to pick up the pieces, and they share a pint of ice cream and turn on Lifetime. Just like I deal with rejection. Only I have a pint of bourbon and watch Fatal Attraction.

We reach a harrowing denoument when Finn and Rachel meet in the auditorium. There’s a lot of talk about becoming a better man, and how Rachel is so important to Finn. He actually says “You’re like a beacon of light, guiding me through the darkness.” Someone’s been paying attention to those English classes on simile and metaphor. Then he gets down on one knee and proposes.

Cut to Rachel’s shocked face. And scene.

All images and video courtesy of Fox.

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