Someone somewhere really wants Robert Pattinson to be a movie star. And while we're just as guilty of seeing Twilight movies on their opening night (and we might have traditions that go along with their openings, so what of it?), we've never been convinced that there's going to be life for the actor after Edward Cullen.
Today the trailer for Bel Ami, his upcoming, very costumey take on being a ladies man and trickster in olden-days Paris, was released. Naturally, we used our sharpest vampire teeth to tear into it.
Aaron Hicklin: And this year’s prize for woeful miscasting goes to Robert Pattinson as a ruthless, disreputable social climber who whores his way to the top of Parisian Belle Époque? Where’s Jonathan Rhys Meyers when you need him?
Jerry Portwood: A bodice ripper! An English vampire in Paris? Why do I keep thinking Christina Ricci is really just an anime character made flesh? Wait, did he sparkle at the end? Oh Uma. Oh Kristen Scott Thomas. Oh boy.
Justin Ocean: Although I have expected him to start sparkling as he walks into the light in the last frame, it's good to see R. Pattz emote for once— and get some action without excessive pouting. But is it just me, whenever it's a sexy costume drama all I can think is STINKY! Still, can't wait to see Christina and Uma duke it out.
Max Berlinger: YES! I love a costume drama! Women in corsets and high-necked frocks make me swoon. I also love Uma Thurman and Kristen Scott Thomas (Christina Ricci’s fine—I guess Natalie Portman, Rachel McAdams, Carey Mulligan, Emma Stone, Kirsten Dunst and Betty White were unavailable)... Ever since seeing The Witches of Eastwick, a trio of manipulative women has been a weakness of mine. But, alas, the mortal flaw with this film is casting Pattinson as someone who not only has a personality, but a charming one at that. Not gonna work. Jake Gyllenhaal... where are you?
Mike Berlin: Wait, Bel Ami isn’t a porno?
Adam Rathe: I haven’t yet sufficiently recovered from Mira Nair’s Vanity Fair to deal with another wooden star taking on a legendary social climber role. I’ll skip it and watch the 1981 Jeremy Irons Brideshead for the 100th time.