True Blood’s Gone, But Are its Gays?
By Jessanne Collins
First, the bad news: Talbot, our favorite vampire homemaker, died, then died again, properly and forever, thanks to Sookie. Admittedly, being staked by Eric (in both senses of the word), and therefore exploding into that jelly-like goo was a fair indication that he was not about to reform and start bitching about the state of the house, and how Russell doesn’t ever take him anywhere. But we did learn that the reason Russell carried Talbot around in a crystal jellybean jar was not just because he was nuts -- though he was utterly and completely nuts, too -- but because he had a plan to use Sookie’s fairy blood to revive his gooey husband. Except Sookie poured the whole sticky mess into a garbage grinder at Fangtasia, then turned it on, while laughing manically. That’s what happens when you cross a fairy, eventually; you end up in tiny pieces, being flushed away. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
On to Russell Edgington, vampire King, widower, and all-round bad guy. Well, the good news for us, if not for anyone in the show, is that he’s not totally out of it. He may have been sealed up in the cement foundations of a construction site, but it was made very clear that while this won’t be pleasant for him, he will be in there raging and planning his revenge on Eric and Bill. And Sookie. And everyone else. And it’s a fair bet that some time early in season 4, we will see some grubby werewolves arriving in the dead of night with hammers and chisels. Or maybe in season 100, he’ll stagger out, all dusty and snide, to a world where vamps live in peace with humans and he can buy hair dye that isn’t the color or a newborn foal.
So, Lafayette, our longest-lasting, bestest gay in Bon Temps. He’s been beaten, drugged, chained up, shot at and more. And he’s still standing. Though he is also, thanks to a bad V trip (let that be a clear metaphorical lesson for you, kids, OK?), seeing horrible things. OK, even more horrible things than usual. It’s clear he is himself magical, and his fella, the adorable Jesus, has triggered something in him. Deliberately, of course. So, that pair are all set up to be the show’s very own Willow, come next season.
Eric, well he’s not really exclusively gay, but he did get naked with Talbot, and is very Euro-camp, and so he has a special place in our hearts. He was also buried in concrete by Bill, but somehow escaped and turned up on Sookie’s doorstep just in time to make her hate Bill forever. Even with a layer of cement on him, that boy is adorable. And Pam, well our lesbian-ish s&m bitch is still in the game, just, and we have high hopes for her next season, too.
The rest? Well, Sam’s bad, Tommy Mickens may well have been shot, though we’re struggling to care one way or the other, Tara shagged Sam then drove off to start a new life 100 yards down the road where some crazy supernatural man will come and beat on her, Bill picked a very poorly planned fight with the vampire queen and Hoyt and Jessica are about to be murdered by that doll-collecting lunatic, Summer. Oh, and Jason inherited a ranch full of shapeshifting meth addicts.
We bid you farewell, Bon Temps, until next time.
-- G. EARL
Previously > True Blood gets (even) gay(er)