"Come on," he says.
You feign shyness, replying, "No."
"I want to see it," he insists.
"I don't want to," you say, holding on to the last shred of mystery.
"I want to see your peacock-cock-cock."
Now there's a line no one's thrown at you before. As if the lyrics to Katy Perry's dance track "Peacock" weren't ridiculous enough, the latest video from Ryan Yezak (the 23-year-old who brought us "California Gays") expands on the absurdity with...dialogue. That is, in addition to the feathers, body paint, nipples and seizure-inducing choreography that also pepper the video.
Yezak's Peacock dropped August 30 on YouTube and has already merited more than 340,000 views ("California Gays" is up to 3 million and his "Telephone" has 12 million). Should you choose to join the thousands of viewers, prepare for 4 minutes and 24 seconds of the kind of gay boys you avoid at the bar - usually because their limbs flail toward you in wild spasms. In this instance, however, those limbs are wings. Think: the chicken dance.
Or you can spare yourself half the pain and jump to the 2:50 mark. That's when the dialogue worthy of Shakespeare begins and, truth be told, anything related to actual peacocks. The first half of the video conjures a slew of gay stereotypes (or fantasies, depending on your preference) from club kids to jocks to hot nerds. But the final vignette of Yezak's "Peacock" is worth your attention, if only for the sequined bird heads strapped to the front of the dancers' Speedos. Remember that lateral motion inside your gym shorts when you do jumping jacks? Yeah. You don't want to miss this.
-- PHILLIP B. CROOK
Previously > Hummer: Nicki Minaj's "Check It Out"