An Open Letter to Belarus
By Jessanne Collins
Dear Belarus Council For Public Morality,
With reference to your inquiry about the catalog of work by Sir Elton John, the popular homosexual singer, and his suitability to play in your fine upstanding country: Sir Elton is a much beloved entertainer, who has entertained people worldwide with his emotionally charged ballads and popular pop and rock combos. We recognize that you are keen to look at past videos of Sir Elton’s, to ensure that “they have no elements inconsistent with the law and morality.”
We submit for your attention this clip of Sir Elton and that paragon of masculinity, Mr. George Michael, singing “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down on Me,” in what is known as a “duet.” We ask that you look carefully at Sir Elton’s entrance at 3 minutes in to the video, namely his manly swagger, his very un-homosexual baseball cap, and his jacket (which can very easily be closed to conceal his slightly fancy shirt, should that be a risk to your country’s young and easily homosexualized manhood).
Please do not hesitate to contact us further for more reassurances that we in the U.S. are not seeking to in any way enlighten you, or drag you into the 21st century.
P.S. Elton just played at Rush Limbaugh’s wedding, which we are sure you will approve of.
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