Project Runway: Pantone 186 C

2.5.2010

By Noah Michelson

Photo: NBC

A real-life conversation between some Campbell’s Tomato Soup and a dress. All dialogue guaranteed real, yet inexplicably cut from last night’s episode.

Soup: So… you’re me. But a dress.

Dress: Aren’t I inspiring? I’m for a heart disease charity. Do you feel empowered by me yet?

Soup: Where’s your grilled cheese sandwich? Can they dunk one into you? I’m confused.

Dress: We entertained that idea and played around with some sandwiches glue-gunned to my ass, but my designer felt that over-embellishment would make Heidi question his taste level not once, but twice. He wants to avoid that.

Soup: Nice rhinestone straps.

Dress: Why don’t you take off your sunglasses? You’ll be able to see how cootery I am.

Soup: Couture? Do you mean couture?

Dress: Right. Yes, that’s what I said.

Soup: Right. Yes. Sorry. I have no ears. I’m soup. Let me take off the shades here.

Dress: See? I’M SHINY!

Soup: …

Dress: I SAID I’M SHINY!

Soup: Like a million suns.

Dress: Like how he used your logo on me? It was a requirement but he really made it elegant. I’m healing heart disease right now, by the way. I’m going to cure all the diseases, especially fatness. That’s the worst one. I’m also a scientist.

Soup: I see the logo. It’s not NASCAR jacket-y at all.

Dress: I’m going outside now to streetwalk up and down the avenue and show everyone how it’s done, this whole making soup into a dress thing.

Soup: I bet you meet a lot of really friendly guys out there.

Dress: HEART DISEASE, YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED BECAUSE OF FASHION!

-- DAVE WHITE

Previously > Project Runway: How to Wear a Beef t-shirt

Tags: Popnography
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