American Idol: We Love You, Get Lost

2.18.2010

By Noah Michelson

Michael Becker / FOX

If you’re already tired of Michael “Big Mike” Lynche, it’s because you maybe weren’t listening to the Jedi mind trick message the show is beaming into your skull. You really do love that cuddly monster and his 30-inch biceps and his freshly born 3-ounce baby. It doesn’t even matter if that baby is real or digital. You’re going to get with the show’s agenda or this relationship is going to become awkward.

But mostly you’re going to love Big Mike because you’re not going to be allowed to love Angela Martin.

I have no idea what went into the decision-making process, but can someone please give this poor girl a break? Three times on the show, father murdered the first time, developmentally disabled daughter in the mix and bad luck (aka six days in jail) with a speeding ticket on the second time through. And now not only has Martin’s mother been missing since New Year’s Eve, but Kara forced the girl to practically sit on her lap while telling her that no, honey, sorry, this third time isn’t going to be your year on American Idol either. But you’re so good, really you are, there are other ways to do this.

That last part is true, at least. Angela Martin should sing for a living. She’s better than some of the empty blondes that made it into the top 24. And Idol isn’t the only game in town, no matter what the show would like you to believe. And who knows, maybe they figured she couldn’t handle the stress of a missing mom and Idol and the daughter at the same time. They certainly never told us about missing mom, and you’d have thought that would be a tragedy they’d milk for everything. It’s not like restraint or good taste has ever been one of this show’s qualities. But maybe now it is? Maybe they were doing her a favor? I’m just confused. And it still feels gross. Especially all that huggy time with Kara and Seacrest telling her to promise him that she won’t give up. No wonder people try to punch cameras.

Anyway, here are the top 24. The show likes to tell you that they’re “your top 24.” But I don’t know which of them, if any, I actually want to be mine yet:

Didi Benami, Crystal Bowersox, Lacey Brown, Michelle Delamor, Katelyn Epperly, Siobhan Magnus, Paige Miles, Ashley Rodriguez, Lilly Scott, Katie Stevens, Haeley Vaughn, Janell Wheeler, Lee DeWyze, Andrew Garcia, Tyler Grady, Todrick Hall, Casey James, Aaron Kelly, Alex Lambert, Michael Lynche, Joe Muñoz, John Park, Jermaine Sellers, and Tim Urban

-- DAVE WHITE

Previously > Paula Deen to Judge American Idol?

Tags: Popnography
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