Project Runway: Lap It Up

1.22.2010

By Noah Michelson

Photo courtesy of NBC

Louanna got kicked off! Sorry, wrong show. But at least now you know what happened on Launch My Line and we can move on.

The challenge: Make an outfit from a burlap sack with your model as your client, listening to their often contradictory requests. Do your best not to ignore the challenge entirely (Jesus), not to leave your model’s ass fully exposed (Ping) and not to make something that looks uglier than a burlap sack (Pamela, ejected). If you can, trick the judges into thinking you used fancy material instead of burlap and do a cartwheel in a field of mud (Jay, who won).

The second episode of a Project Runway season is where you really get a feeling for the general temperament of the designers. Self-aggrandizing introductions are over and the work can actually begin. Are they dullards who just hunch over the sewing machines or do they mix it up and fight? Are they sincere and weepy? Do any of them seem delusional to the point of needing psychiatric care? Assholish? Too gay to function? Like they’d otherwise be covered in cat hair?

Four main themes this week:

1.    Lucha Libre:
Anthony and Mila make their respective claws go snickety-snick on each other (she starts it) but it goes nowhere fast. In fact, it looks as though he’s the one shutting it down. This is a good sign. He never closes his mouth (“Mila can kiss me [sic] and my entire family’s asses.”] and seems like one of those gays who lives to mix it up at the featheriest hint of a personal slight. I approve of his casting.

2.    Tim Gunn’s Super-Face:
Watch him roll his eyes when he learns that a designer’s model-client has stipulated the use of totally inappropriate detailing material to femme up the sack. Watch him get the apoplectic shakes when he realizes how little time Jay has to complete his elaborate skirt and how unfazed Jay seems by this situation. Watch him look askance at Ping’s ugly conceptual ass-crack-dress.

3.    Please Watch Models of The Runway.
Brand-building continues. They allowed the models to pick their own designers this week. That was cool. But they’re also trying to make us learn their names and care about what happens to them. Nina talked about one of the ladies as though she helped the designer in the sewing room. Untrue. My problem is that I can barely keep the remaining 15 designers straight. I have no room for models.

4.    You Suck:
The judges are already pretty fond of the sentence “We question your taste level.” They can’t stop using it on Jesus, who was in the bottom two for the second week in a row. They also used it on Pamela, obviously, or she’d still be here. It makes you wonder about the taste level of the people who tried out but didn’t get on the air. Maybe they should spend more of each season’s first episode showing us the auditions like American Idol does. What if people are showing up dressed as the Statue of Liberty? Or what if Angela, headmistress of Jubliee Jumbles, forgot she was already on an earlier season and tried out again? The people have a right to know.

-- DAVE WHITE

Previously > Project Runway: Let's Pretend L.A. Never Happened

Tags: Popnography
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