OUTteen #1: The Advice Column

1.22.2010

By Alex Wilburn


Photo: Getty Images

It's always been my dream (since a few weeks ago when I thought of it) to give back and offer advice to my fellow gay youth. Imagine, our own teen magazine with the really useful information like you'd find in Seventeen or Teen Vogue: how to pick the right female "friend-date" for prom season, how not to mess up your own DIY Eric van der Woodsen highlights, how to hook-up with the JV soccer captain under the bleachers without his girlfriend catching you, how to bleach grass stains off the knees, etc etc.

So here is my first Ask Alex advice column, where I give you all the wisdom I've collected through my high school and college careers the only way I know how to: selfishly.

Dear OUTteen: I'm ready to come out to my friends but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by telling one friend before the other. Is there any way I can just let everyone know at once? - Wally, 19, Franklin, ME

Well Wally, what if you were on FOX's hit musical show Glee? That would pretty much let them know, yes?

When the singing sensation returns for its second season in September the show will be introducing three new teen characters, and, to find those talents, show creator Ryan Murphy isn't looking to Hollywood agencies, he's looking in his e-mail box. Yes, Glee is holding open auditions across the nation to find it's newest stars, and all you have to do to get a callback is upload a video of yourself online.

As Murphy told Entertainment Weekly: "We just announced we’re doing a nationwide search for the season 2 cast... We’re casting sort of a Eve Harrington [from All About Eve] to kind of steal Rachel’s thunder a little. And [a boyfriend for Kurt is] one of the three roles that we’re adding. And we’re going to make them a power couple. We’re not going to do the whole hiding in the shadows thing. We’re going to make them popular, and out and proud and glamorous. Like prom king and king. We’re doing the opposite of what’s been done.”

See? Doesn't that seem like a genius solution, Wally? You'll get to go to L.A., play the spiffy love interest for Chris Colfer (above left), who seems awfully sweet between scenes, be on national television every week, roll your eyes at Lea Michelle's smug expressions, get a paycheck, become Ryan Murphy's favorite in no time by quoting Popular back to him and --

Wait. 

I'm sorry. I should be doing this. I mean, I'm graduating in the spring. I don't have a job. Quick, someone get me a webcam! I'm occasionally chipper and blonde and bouncers in New York City constantly ask me if I'm still in high school -- this a perfect fit! Plus I already made Pinkberry plans with Chris back in December as you may recall, so I totally have dibs. This will be brilliant. Now... if only I can remember how to sing. I may have been a high school musical star but it has been a while. Wait! I was in the Indian Mountain School spring production of Singing in the Rain -- I know how to do this! I just need someone to sing for me and I'll be the cute face. 

What do you say? Who wants to be my voice? I'll be holding open auditions for my open audition so just comment below with your qualifications.

Oh, and uh, Wally, I guess you could like, throw a party? 

-- ALEX WILBURN

Previously > Degrassi: Beat It Part 2

Tags: Popnography
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