Project Runway: Stop Copying Me!

10.30.2009

By Noah Michelson

Photo: Mike Yarish/Lifetime Networks, 2009

In the same way that dog owners begin resembling their 12 year-old pugs or hostages wind up marrying their kidnappers, the designers are learning how to make clothes that resemble one another’s garments in ways that would be shocking if this season were more interesting. But for that to happen we’d need to bring back some Jubilee Jumbles-level insanity. And that’s probably not going to happen.

Remember how, back in the golden age of Runway, there was that knock-down drag-out between Jeffrey and Laura where she accused him of having help with his final collection? And it got all heated? And it was exciting to watch that? And you gave a shit about what might happen next?

Yeah those were the days.

If Meana-Irina (that’s apparently what they’re calling her in the workroom) ran this joint -- and she should -- then Althea would have taken her advice and gone right up to Logan last night and said, “Where do you get off stealing my idea from a few challenges ago of making a vampire-cape-stand-up-neck-thingie out of zippers, FAG?”

And that would be great because Logan is like the one straight guy to ever be on this show. If you want to make a heterosexual male who also happens to be a fashion designer/hair stylist/interior designer/nurse/kindergarten teacher lose his shit and pull some Law-Abiding Citizen-level revenge on you, accuse him of sucking a wiener. It’s totally effective, especially if you’re a woman because that means there’s no chance he’ll ever get to hit that.

But then there’s the speed-bump of how Irina merely encouraged Althea to make a snippy comment about it to Logan, instead of going full-on Firestarter. Which makes me distrust Irina’s ability to really throw down when the table-throwing imperatives of good reality television demand it.

Second speed-bump: Irina then turned around and accused Althea of lifting her Aspen sweater from last week’s challenge. And here’s the thing about that, and I think Terri from last season said it best: “MAN UP.” There are about seven million women’s sweaters out there. Other designers are going to create them too. Shit, if you get your work out there for people to see and enjoy, Forever XXI is gonna knock it off faster than you can say “child labor.” So slow down your bitchface and focus on making your own work better than everyone else’s. It’s not like anyone’s going to touch you for the rest of this show anyway. You’ve essentially already won the season. You can chill.

Okay, status update: Meana-Irina just missed winning the challenge thanks to Meana-Nina not liking her brocade dress; Logan got sent home for zippertardation; Gordana is worn out and flailing, creating outfits as depressed as she is; and Christopher thinks that his repeated failures are the result of the judges simply not “getting him.”

So, yeah, let Christopher stay, especially if he’s going to keep making barfy stuff like this week’s red carpet gown that guest judge Kerry Washington believed had feral Dickensian urchins named “Ignorance” and “Want” hiding under its hugely ruffled, floor-dragging hem. Hell, put him in the final three. That’d shake shit up real good.

-- DAVE WHITE

Previously > Project Runway: Get Out Irina's Way

Tags: Popnography
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