Project Runway: Get Out Of Irina's Way

10.23.2009

By Noah Michelson

Mike Yarish/Lifetime Networks 2009

I wish:

1. We could just fast forward to the Bryant Park episode and
watch Irina’s, Althea’s and Carol Hannah’s final runway shows.

2. The challenges involved more than photo ops at Michael Kors
new Rodeo Drive store, some generic pictures of Aspen they got from Getty
Images and the throw-away instructions of “Think about an inspirational
locale!”

3. The locale choices had been more idiosyncratic, Los
Angeles-specific and actually challenging: the La Brea Tar Pits, a
stripper-gear shop on Hollywood Boulevard, a soul-destroying pitch meeting in
some generic office on the Paramount lot, notoriously scuzzy hustler bar The
Spotlight, Oki Dog, or this kiosk I saw once at the somewhat-downmarket
Crenshaw Plaza Mall where you can get your photo portrait taken and then
digitally superimposed onto another picture of a huge brandy snifter.

4. That Christopher had decided much, much earlier than this
episode to finally show the judges that he has, in his words “a sophisticated
side, a high-style side” because really, why wait until later in the season to
really pull out the big guns and wow them and -- oh, wait, sorry, he didn’t do it
this episode either.

5. Althea’s Saint Tropez-themed outfit had been made entirely of
cocoa butter.

6. That Irina would really turn up the bitch volume. Nicolas said
she was a bitch. And then Carol Hannah carried the burden of actually saying
“she didn’t come here to make friends” instead of Irina having to lift a finger
to address that cliché herself. And occasionally we hear stinging critiques of
other designers made by Irina while on interview-cam. But mostly we see her
being quiet and doing her work, or, more damning, actually laughing with the
others in a group pow-wow and being friendly. I’m worried that she’s not living
up to her potential.

7. Milla “Resident Evil” Jovovich would come back week after week
if she’s going to toss off lines about Logan’s half-effort garments like, “If
the show were called ‘Project I Didn’t Mind It’ then he would win.”

8. Ali MacGraw weren’t doing commercials for Macys. If you don’t
know who that is then go put “The Getaway” in your Netflix queue. Not the one
with Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger. The real one. With Steve McQueen. Who was a
man.

9. For more self-aggrandizing contestants next season, ones
who’ll spout bullshitty stuff like Nicolas did upon finally being given the
Auf: “Because of my over-the-top style it’s been very hard to break into the
fashion industry.” Uh-huh.

10. That Nicolas
could be brought back each week and eliminated again and again. He’s the first
person all season whose demise I was looking forward to with anticipation
rather than a bored, “Oh good, s/he’s gone.” Now I’m going to miss being
annoyed by every single thing about him. That’s the cognitive dissonance-based
burden reality television places on us all, the sweet pleasure of hating.

-- DAVE WHITE

Previously > Project Runway: Diamonds on the Crotch

Tags: Popnography
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