Hot is the New Ho-Hum on 90210

7.1.2009

By Jessanne Collins

Humanity has always turned to epic universal sagas -- of daddy issues, rehab, and sex tapes -- for spiritual guidance and intellectual respite. In these, certain stories echo through the ages from which we can interpret our present and attempt to divine our future.

In 90210: the New Testament, we have a certain character who perhaps managed to exceed in blandness the unapologetic blandness of certain other characters. And Darren Star called him Ethan. As an entity he was perhaps a little too simple and average to fill the god-sized shoes the stylist had laid out for him. If we scour 90210: the Old Testament for parables relating to the fate of bland characters, we find that they accidentally shoot themselves at parties.

Then in their stead we see rise a character of higher aspirations and holier proportions -- like those of an Abercrombie and Fitch model. If we are attentive to detail, we notice that they might resemble Steve Sanders a little, if Steve Sanders were way hotter, in a daytime TV or Playgirl magazine kinda way.

Suffice to say, Darren Star called him ... Teddy. And it was good.

Photo: Getty Images

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Tags: Popnography
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