Allison was the only person not born in the 80s, so she’s exempt from this criticism and Adam chose a song that was relatively obscure in this country, at least during the year of its release, but what Morning Zoo radio stations were the rest these kids listening to in the first decade of their existence? I lived through the 80s ignoring bullshit like “Part Time Lover” (inexplicably praised beyond any reasonable person’s understanding by the judges when Matt made his pitchy way through it, gurgling and riffing it into a mulchy R&B compost heap) and Glass Tiger or White Lion or Michael Damian or whoever the fuck it was who first performed “The Search is Over,” and I was kinda-sorta hoping I’d get to live out the rest of my days without every being reminded of that song’s existence again. But no, Scott Macintyre, “inspiration to the entire world,” (Paula’s tearful words, not mine) you had to belch that one back into my brain again. And you DID IT BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY LIKED IT AND WANTED US ALL TO SHARE YOUR PASSION FOR BLAND, FLAVORLESS CRAP.
And then, when the judges commended you on playing a guitar instead of a piano, you said it was so you could show your “punk rock” side. You know who was punk rock, Scott Macintyre? G.G. Allin. You know who’s not? You. So please just shut the fuck up. Glad you’re gone.
Worse, the show has spent all season condescending to you, even to the point of spending a cruel and torturous amount of time dangling the hope of their as-yet-unused “judges’ save” in front of you to swing at like an empty piñata when it wasn’t busy acting like it invented the idea of a blind person singing in the first place. So here’s to more physically challenged people being on this show. And here’s to a less boneheaded way of treating them in the future. They’ve already learned how to package the mentally ill and sell them to us as entertainment, they might as well learn how to deal with everyone else.
There. That felt good to get off my chest. Now, on to the things that were super-entertaining about this week’s episodes:
Sadly, Manhunt offers no write-in option for Fantasia.
-- DAVE WHITE
Previously > AI: It's just so-so Megan