American Idol is for sissies

2.19.2009

By Noah Michelson

But the most compelling narrative so far this entire season has been
the freaked-out tension of semi-talented and nuts vs
somewhat-more-talented and opportunistic, as the producers force-feed
us Danny Gokey and Tatiana Del Toro. Obviously it’s way
more fun to watch Tatiana push the drama into overdrive anytime the
camera’s pointed anywhere near her, to make a drinking game out of how
she never stops fussing with her messy, oversexed hair, to enjoy her
repeatedly shilling for new additions to her collection of the
glittery, Lisa Frank-inspired, Abdul jewelry line, to hear her Puerto
Rican accent come and go whenever the mood strikes. There’s not one
ounce of her that isn’t entertainment on a stick. She could only be
better if she were deep-fried and served at a State Fair. So naturally
they had to lower the boom on her good times. She’s out -- with a
last-minute flourish that suggested little more than the show yelling
“EAT IT, CRAZY GIRL!” right in her face -- and I’m a little more sad
today than yesterday because of it.

Gokey (along with Sarver and that blonde girl whose name I refuse to
learn until she’s at least in the Top 5) is in. And you’re obligated to
love him. Look, you ARE. Just give in now. And you’re going to love him
even if they have to show you picture after picture of his recently
deceased wife to guilt you into it. And yes, it’s awful that he lost
her a month before auditions. And yes, he’s not responsible for other
people holding up pictures of her to the camera while he sings Mariah
Carey’s “Hero.” But damn, AI! Take your foot off my neck!

-- DAVE WHITE

Previously > Tori Amos is Abnormally Attracted To Sin

Tags: Popnography
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