1. I'm happy to talk about all the kinky sex you're having with your boyfriend -- provided he's not my ex-boyfriend.
2. There is no such thing as "reinventing '80s fashion," just like there is no such thing as 'Krystle Carrington chic."
3. Leaving me for a three-way is acceptable. Leaving me with the bar tab is not.
4. To my Latino brothers, go easy on the eyebrows. One Eva Mendes is enough.
5. Get over yourselves and give Metallica a second chance. They cut their hair, they have muscles, and they're aggressive. They're like hot leather daddies.
6. Calling my Ugly Betty character the "Puerto Rican Pam Anderson" is flattering. Calling her the "Puerto Rican Peg Bundy"? Not so much.
7. I love that your motto for me is always "More tits, more 'tude," but trust me, a plunging neckline and a miniskirt on the 1 train doesn't fly.
8. If you tell me a dress looks hot when I try it on in the shop, you'd better love it when I wear it out. If you change your mind, I'll cut you.
9. Fairy princess trumps fag hag any day.
10. For the fifth time, no, I did not see Project Runway last night.
Ortiz plays Hilda on Ugly Betty, now in its third season on ABC.