Father Land


By Aaron Hicklin

Seven years after his scientist dad died of AIDS, Marco Roth decided it was time he got to know him.

In a new memoir, The Scientists: A Family Romance, Roth takes up the gauntlet thrown down by his aunt. The result is a moving exercise in literary detective work, in which Roth immerses himself in his father’s favorite novels in a hunt for clues to his identity. “If I were to look for him, to salvage his reputation from my aunt’s portrait of the enfeebled, timid homosexual manqué, the kid brother, it would be among them, his true secret and unfulfilled loves,” he writes.

A reasonable friend might have reminded Roth of the old adage “Be careful what you wish for.” The Eugene Roth that emerges in The Scientists is strong and clear, but also unfulfilled, unhappy, unresolved, like the characters of the 19th-century novels he loved so much. Whether he could have lived his life differently is a question that hangs over the book, but Roth speculates that his father elected for pragmatism over gratification. “He chose, in a way, a life that was unhappy but at least allowed him to survive for a while, and that’s a tricky dynamic,” he says. “And that’s also what I feel I inherited -- this sense that life is primarily about survival rather than a search for happiness.”

We are in the lobby of the Ansonia, a Beaux-Arts-style cream puff of a building that once housed the entrance to the baths. Roth thinks we might get to see some remnants in the basement below, but a conversation with a doorman is not hopeful. The pool, he says, was covered over; the mirrored stairs have been blocked off. Most of it has been swallowed up by Loehmann’s basement, unwittingly signposted as the backroom in silver letters redolent of a ’70s nightclub. “Yet another instance of retail taking over from culture,” says Roth. The doorman nods. “Retail took over everything, exactly.”

Roth is not looking to find his father’s ghost in the remnants of New York’s legendary gay subculture, but he finds himself speculating on what kind of life he might have led freed of repression and guilt and shame. “I once asked him one of these annoying, teenaged, ‘What’s your favorite character?’ questions,” he recalls. In answer, his father offered Charlus, from Proust’s In Search of Lost Time. “That’s where I feel like I might be right in assuming certain things about what kind of erotic encounters with men my father liked to have,” Roth says, describing a scene in which Charlus is tied up and beaten by soldier rent boys. “He’s a classic masochist.”

We have been walking from the Ansonia toward Central Park, and Roth now pauses to point out the apartment building that was the scene of so much subterfuge. Although he has come to accept his aunt’s claims, he thinks his father may have been fated by time and circumstance to live as he did. “I think he was attracted to men who might have been disastrous for him,” he says. “It would be very simple to say that he fled into the comfort of a performed heterosexuality and that he would have been happier had he been able to come out, but that still doesn’t solve this great problem of desire and choice. This feeling that he may have been doomed either way was what made me want to write a book that dealt with this possibility of a real tragic fate.”

The Scientists is out now.

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