The Unsinkable Janice Dickinson

4.5.2010

By Noah Michelson

When did you first realize you were a gay icon?
When I got to New York City in 1973 -- don't count! -- I was really young and really na've and I got to the Big Apple and I wasn't that informed in my youth on homosexuality at all. The minute I hit the Big Apple, honey, I just gravitated towards the Village and the gay bars and the Anvil and watching guys -- on the record, off the record -- fist fucking. I went kind of crazy looking at all of it -- like you would observe animals mating in the zoo. I thought it was phenomenal. And I had no prejudice whatsoever. In fact, I welcomed all the beautiful gay men, and I didn't understand why I wasn't getting any play. Like, What's wrong with me? Even gay women, more importantly, I was getting a lot of play from lesbians, and I love lesbians, but I'm not gay. But, I just loved the scene. So gay men actually did make me who I am today. And I'm really proud of it.

Do you read your own press? Is Perez Hilton a friend or a foe?
I worship and I'm afraid of Perez Hilton at the same time. He -- she? -- She's dangerous, she's powerful, and I was the first to put La Perez on my reality show. Sorry, Tyra. I put him on first. He's phenomenal. He's so quick witted and sharp. But I will say this: Perez, you know you're in love with my son, and you know you want to be my son-in-law. You still had to line up at my birthday party last February. They wouldn't let him in the door. Sorry Perez, you could probably say more evil things about me. I don't care!

Who's the bigger drag queen'
Perez or Janice? Janice.

No. Tyra Banks, Wendy Williams, or Heidi Montag?
Heidi Montag is the queen of all. Look at her. She's phenomenal. Heidi Montag.

And you guys have the same surgeon?
Yes. Dr. Frank Ryan of Beverly Hills. The Bentley of Surgery. In fact, I'm considering Number 82. Oh, I want to go again babe. I saw Betsy Johnson last night -- she's 68 years old. She doesn't have a line on her face. I was like' I've got to go back. Betsey Johnson is cryogenically frozen and I worship her.

What would it take for you to go back on America's Next Top Model?
Please. Why would I want to back pedal? I want to go forward, young man. Not a damn thing could get me back.

So, you and Tyra'
Well, aren't you happy? Isn't the world glad? That I made that show very successful and Tyra cut out everything that I said and repeated what I was saying on camera. Oh, snap!

Have you ever thought about getting your own talk show?
Oh, I am a talk show. The answer is yes. And I don't think Telepictures [the production company that produces The Tyra Banks Show] is going to give me one because wherever Tyra is, she ain't letting me in the front door, bitch! She's not letting me in. Guess what? I don't really care. I do want a talk show -- the answer is yes. The world needs me on television because I can speak -- in three languages.

Here's what I was thinking: Simon Cowell is leaving American Idol. Why don't you take his job?
American Idol needs me to judge. I mean I worship Ellen and I worship Simon Cowell. But my deal is I think Simon Cowell is making a big mistake marrying that makeup artist. Simon Cowell needs to marry me. That's what he needs to do.

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