Kathy Griffin Gets Literary


By Noah Michelson

Whose celebrity memoir is more D-list -- yours or Janice Dickinson's?
I would say absolutely mine. Janice had like sex with Mick Jagger -- I had sex with Jack Black. If that isn't the A-list to the D-list, I don't know what is. I mean, Janice went to Studio 54 and she was on the cover of Vogue 17 million times. I was on the cover of a magazine called Double Down, which was a poker magazine. So I'd have to say mine was more D-list -- as usual.

Right now we have Lady Gaga on the cover of our September issue. What's your take on all the hermaphrodite rumors swirling around her? Do you think she's a man? A woman? Neither? Both?
I think that if she's smart, she'll say she's both. By the way, I'd like to break this news to you that I have a penis as well as a vagina. Unfortunately coming from me, it's not that much of a reveal, but it can only broaden her demographic.

And yours.
And mine! If I could, instead of my plastic surgery photos, I would have printed a photo of my vagina-slash-penis. That would really get me readers. Oh -- and I want to go on record and say I'm a top, in case anybody's asking.

On the latest season of My Life On The D-List you were dubbed 'Norma Gay' and you had some political moments -- your tribute to Matthew Shepard and your activism around gay marriage. Do you see your day-to-day life as political?
It is, because I'm on tour all the time, I go do shows in the Bible Belt and I can't tell you how many people -- believe it or not, even in this day and age -- have come up to me after a show and said, 'Wow. I've never been surrounded by so many gay people,' or when I shout 'Where are my gays at?' some of the gays are sitting next to straight guys who've been dragged there by their wives and it's always positive. I've had some redneck guys be like, 'Man! I've never seen so many gay people at once!' but I've never had anyone complain about it or use the F word. So in my own little way, while I'm burning bridges in Hollywood [laughs], I'm trying to build bridges in the gay community -- one dick joke at a time.

You've done movies, TV, you've had a Grammy-nominated album, you were on The Celebrity Mole, now you've got a book -- what do you still want to accomplish?
I'd like to do a sex tape with Ryan Seacrest. I don't know if I'm his type, if you know what I'm saying.

Well, you mentioned you're a top and I think there's a good chance he's a bottom --
[Laughs.] I was going to say that I probably have about as much of a chance with him as I do with Lance Bass because God knows I've been trying to get him in the sack for 10 fucking years! He is a tough cookie. He's always surrounded by Brazilian male models.

I saw Lance a few weeks ago in Chelsea with something very hunky.
He has the pick of the litter. I've seen them all come, and I've seen them all go.

Kathy Griffin's Official Book Club Selection is now in stores. For all the latest Kathy news, including tour dates and book signings,
check out her website.

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