Love, Love Me Do...

1.19.2009

By Josh Kilmer-Purcell

Hitting unsubscribe has never felt so rewarding. After 18 months of receiving fund-raising e-mails from Barack, Michelle, Joe, and Mrs. Biden (I've forgotten her name already), I've finally broken free from the chains of change.

Sure, it was fun to see how many ways Obama Inc. could continue to try milking me for cash after the election. Over the past two years they've cajoled me into donating money to win chances to attend debates, primaries, conventions, election night parties, and the inauguration itself. Soon they'll start raffling off pieces of White House carpet for a chance to play spin the bottle at Malia's Sweet 16. At least Hillary had the decency to sit back and amass a huge debt like a true American.

Yes, we homo helpers did get change back from our dollars. Whereas previously we were thrown under the bus by Republicans, now we're being thrown under the bus by Democrats. I had hoped a change in administration might at least move me from under the tires to the backseat. I do quite well for myself in backseats.

However, so far 2009 is sounding remarkably like 2001. Remember Bush's 'big Republican tent' and 'compassionate conservatism'? Obama continually asks us to 'agree to disagree' with those who hate us and to donate money to pay for Rick Warren's airfare to the inauguration. He handpicked Tim Kaine to lead the DNC'a man who thinks the closest thing to marriage gays deserve is access to property contracts from LegalZoom.

And it's not just our president. New York and New Jersey state legislators have promised for years that affirmative legislative votes on gay marriage would come with Democratic control of state government. Now that it's arrived, they've decided that following through on their promises might jeopardize their reelection efforts. So if I understand them correctly: They'll vote for us if we vote for them, unless they need our votes again, in which case they can't vote for us.

With the Democrats' new flush of power, they've decided that our votes'which they worked so hard to get'can now be taken for granted. They're like the girls in high school who clawed themselves into the popular set. Suddenly they don't want me sitting at their lunch table and giving them wardrobe tips anymore. (Personal aside: Fuck you, Dawn Hendrick.)

The only consolation I have is that I've been a Democrat long enough to realize that the Democrats' greatest skill is in messing things up for themselves. And their streak continues. This string of betrayals comes at a time when they need us more than ever.

What Obama has made clear with his invitations and appointments is that for so many years Democrats felt we were a necessary albatross'a sort of codependent relationship they couldn't break off. What they don't realize is that while they were gritting their teeth and glad-handing for our votes, we were winning over more hearts than they were with our natural charm and pop-culture savvy. Sure, gay marriage might not have majority public approval yet, but we're close. Today there are more Americans who believe gay relationships deserve legal recognition than there are registered Democrats.

So who's the popular girl now?

Mark my words, in the next couple of years a savvy Republican will see the group of us dateless wallflowers standing under the bleachers and ask us to dance. Republicans wooed Hispanic voters a decade ago after Bill Clinton sent that Cuban kid packing, which gave them the edge to win (sort of) two back-to-back elections. Granted, the GOP later ditched them in the parking lot after they got their rocks off.

But still, I'd rather get screwed in the parking lot by someone who wants me than pay money to help bigots pitch their big tents.

JoshKilmer-Purcell.com

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