...But There�s No Dick?

3.18.2008

By A. Raymond Johnson

Trans men, like all the rest of you alcoholic homos, sometimes get drunk and accidentally have sex with their friends. The morning after too many manhattans and one such naked romp, in the hangover haze of potential awkwardness, I broke the tension by asking my previously platonic bio-guy pal a question.

'How did it feel being inside, uh, that other hole?' I asked, solely for the purpose of scientific inquiry and advancement of all trans-kind.

'Surprisingly similar,' he said, 'but with easier access.'

Before you go on a binge with your FTM crush, you might consider what you'll do with them -- or to them -- once you get your pants off. Trans men's sexuality comes in many stripes (just like your gaggle of gays' preferences), so your mileage may vary. Here are some generally helpful hints for making the most of that hot guy born without a cock like yours.

If you're looking for a...

Top: A trans man likely owns several toys of varying length and girth, and no blue pill is needed to get or stay hard. Plus there's no risk of premature accidents before you're finished for the night.

Bottom: You're in luck -- you have two places to stick it, which is also helpful for achieving any position. And chances are, one of those options requires less physical preparation to open up and let you in.

Bear: We are so delighted to finally inhabit all things male that we tend to love body hair, on ourselves and others. Any trans man who is capable of growing a beard probably will.

Gym queen: After years in the wrong skin, we are utterly pleased to discuss ad nauseam every little detail of anybody's body (bonus points for workout tips to expand our pecs). There might also be a large mirror by our bed.

Twink: Love the face of a young thing but not the drama that comes with being barely old enough to drink? Either because of our disposition toward androgyny or because our hormones are so regularly monitored, trans men are frequently carded well into their 40s.

Daddy/boy/kinkster: Trans men have been role-playing for a long time, so we're usually quite good at it. We've also likely been fetishized simply for being trans, so it's a welcome relief to engage in some other kink.

None of the above: Are you sure the most important body part on a guy is his cock? Consider a slight attitude adjustment: You might find that the mouth and hands are equally (if not more) versatile.

A word of caution before adding 'FTM- and trans-friendly' to your dating profile: Most of these trans fags are somewhat wary of 'tranny chasers,' individuals who specifically exoticize trans people. Guys like Trystan in The Trans Fags, for instance, won't hook up with men who've already been with another trans man: 'I worry that he's more into what I am than who I am.'

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