Love Burns

7.24.2007

By Out.com Editors

Will closet case Waylon Smithers finally score with his antediluvian boss Mr. Burns in The Simpsons Movie? Until their love is consummated, we savor some precious moments.

Mr. Burns [During nuclear meltdown scare]: 'I guess there's nothing left but to kiss my sorry ass goodbye.'
Smithers: 'May I, sir?'

Smithers [During same meltdown scare]: 'Sir, there may never be another time to say'I love you, sir.'
Mr. Burns: 'Oh, hot dog! Thanks for making my last few moments on Earth socially awkward.'

Smithers: 'Sir, in the spirit of the festival and everything, I'd just like to say that'I'love you.'
Mr. Burns: 'Hmm?'
Smithers: 'In those colors! [Aside] Oh, who am I kidding? The boathouse was the time!'

Mr. Burns: 'Now get down here so I can spank you in front of this gawking rabble. Smithers, take off my belt.'
Smithers: 'With pleasure, sir!'

Smithers: 'I think women and sea-men don't mix.'
Mr. Burns: 'We know what you think.'

Mr. Burns [At the ballet]: 'Bah! Far too much dancing, not nearly enough prancing!'
Smithers: 'A little mincing would be nice.'

Mr. Burns [Writing]: 'Memorandum to Mrs. Bouvier, re: delineation of romantic intentions' [Stops writing] Pfft! Too sappy! Smithers, come over here and help me write a mash note to my girlfriend.'
Smithers: 'Fine. 'Darling one, read my words and hear my heart speak of a love soft and undying, a love that will be with you always. Sincerely, yadda yadda yadda.''
Mr. Burns: 'That's marvelous! How did you think of that so fast?'
Smithers: 'I [Sobs] sent it to you on your birthday! [Cries] Excuse me, I have something in my eye!'

Mr. Burns[When a projectile lands in his lap]: 'Smithers! There's a rocket in my pocket!'
Smithers: 'You don't have to tell me, sir.'

Mr. Burns: 'Dogs are idiots! Think about it, Smithers, if I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?'
Smithers: 'Uh, if you did it, sir?'

Mr. Burns: 'So, another Friday is upon us. What will you be doing, Smithers? Something gay, no doubt!'
Smithers: 'What?!'
Mr. Burns: 'You know, lighthearted, fancy-free. Mothers, lock up your daughters! Smithers is on the town!' [Chuckles]
Smithers: 'Exactly, sir.' [Laughs nervously]

Mr. Burns: 'Ah, lunchtime! Well, let's see what I've packed for myself today. One bouillon cube'one Concord grape'one Philly cheesesteak'and a jar of garlic pickles! [Laughs] No one will want to kiss me after these, eh, Smithers?'
Smithers: 'Well, it's their loss, sir.'

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