Cop a Feel
By Jeffrey Epstein
In Out�s March issue we speak with openly gay Lieutenant Jim Dangle about his appearance in the new film Reno 911!! Miami. Here, we offer a few more words from our favorite short-shorts sporting cop (courtesy of his alter ego, Tom Lennon).
So Jim, may I call you Jim?
Thanks, Jeffrey. And, no, you may not. Please address me as Lieutenant. It�s not like I�m some asshole in your spin class. I spent 12 weeks at the Sheriff�s Academy and then went to another eight-hour seminar to get where I am today. So let�s keep it professional. Either address me as Lieutenant, or �Stiff Jimmy,� which was my Coast Guard nickname.
OK, Stiff� um� Lieutenant, how are you feeling about your job these days?
I work most holidays, and I�ve developed a strange rash from riding in a squad car 12 hours a day for 13 years. If I could build a time machine, it would be 1989�and I�d be getting into something worthwhile, like real estate or soft-core porn.
Do Officer Trudy�s endless advances bother you?
I have nothing against Trudy Wiegel, personally. She can�t help the fact that she�s a waste of perfectly good space. I attribute her devotion to me to the fact that she was raised in a house with a substantial amount of lead-based paint.
Ever think of coming out to Hollywood? We could use some hot cops out here.
Good Lord, yes. Are there any nice places to rent in the $200-a-month range? Including utilities?
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