Rome vs. Greece


By Bob Smith

Sure, the ancient Greeks and Romans gave us the pillars of Western civilization: democracy, theater, and the bathhouse. But which culture was gayer? Out believes a culture's gayness is best measured by gossip overheard at the baths. We did some archaeological digging and came up with these steamy tidbits:

Overheard at the Greek bathhouse Overheard at the Roman bathhouse

'Alexander's great in battle, but in bed he's more of a spear-catcher than a spear-thrower, if you know what I mean.'

'Last year it was golden retrievers; this year it's three-headed dogs.'

'My mother found this huge urn under my bed. It had pornographic depictions of god-on-man action.'

'Achilles' real weakness is that his heels are always in the air.'

'That Cyclops is such a tease'he keeps winking at me.'

'Don't let the muscles fool you. There's a HER in Hercules for a reason.'

'I wish the Olympics weren't in the nude. It takes all the fun out of the locker room.'

'Pythagoras has this theory about threesomes.'

'Veni, vidi, vici'I came, I saw, I conquered'just not in that order.'

'He claims to be XII inches, but it's more like IV!'

'Caligula throws the worst orgies. Too many mortals, not enough gods.'

'Hannibal's gotten so fat. Talk about an elephant crossing the Alps!'

'You have to visit our weekend place in Pompeii. You won't believe our view of Mount Etna.'

'Let's face it. On Nero, a toga's just a dress.'

'I'll never date another gladiator. The sex was hot, but every time we had a fight it was to the death!'

'According to Caesar, gay men make the best soldiers. Just point them at a country with great beaches and they'll conquer it!'