Into the Wild
By Jeffrey Epstein
It's now around 10:30 p.m., so we schlep (OK, the girls schlep) the camera and battery packs over to the Travelodge conveniently located next door, where a group of close to a dozen guys on the second floor are leaning over the balcony, watching us approach.
'Are you with Girls Gone Wild?' one of them yells.
'No,' Isabelle shouts back. 'We're with GUYS Gone Wild!'
You can instantly sense the energy between the boys rise as a few of them come downstairs to greet us. One Goofy Guy with a sweet face and a lean build tells Isabelle he wants to go wild. As we stand in the middle of a parking lot, our group maneuvers between a couple cars. Just as he's whipping it out, I notice a truck coming toward us from the other side of the parking lot. What looks odd is the second set of headlights on top of the vehicle. 'Bill,' I say calmly. 'I think security may be coming.'
'Isabelle,' Bill says. 'Isabelle''
She doesn't respond as Goofy Guy shows her'and the camera'a 'Texas belt buckle' (it involves wrapping the dick around the balls in a freakish way). Finally, Bill goes up behind her and says 'Security!' just in time for her to grab Goofy Guy and duck out of view. This is also the moment when we realize it isn't a security truck. It is the police.
'Please go back inside the building immediately,' the officers announce over their loudspeaker, 'or we will begin doing sobriety tests.' Watching the boys scatter, it's as if someone has shouted 'Lesbian strippers are making out inside your rooms!'
Sneaking upstairs, Rachel immediately gravitates toward a sexy boy with tousled blond hair'whose name, we'd learn, is Jeffrey (giving credence to Rachel's redundant-name theory). Within minutes Rachel is walking into his room. I catch her glance and she nods. I follow the pair into a room that strikes me as being what the Abbey in West Hollywood, Calif., or Splash in New York City must look like after a busy Saturday night: There are at least a dozen empty 12-packs of beer, a keg, and a dresser covered in empty liquor bottles.
'Do you work out?' Rachel says to Jeffrey shortly after he takes his shirt off.
'I try to,' he says, smiling.
'Do you think you have a good body?' she teases.
'Let's see more of it,' she suggests, and I'm not about to argue.
'All of it,' she says. 'Everything, really.'
'I guess'' Moments later Jeffrey drops his pants, revealing gray cotton boxers.
'I like those little boxers. I see something that's not little,' Rachel says, pointing to the bulge in his crotch. The gray boxers go down too, revealing that there are many great things about Jeffrey.
At this point one could speculate, These guys are so drunk, they don't know what they're doing. And looking around a room strewed with empties, that might appear to be the case. But once Jeffrey finishes going wild, Rachel switches into professional gear, battening down every legal hatch. With these guys needing to coherently answer five questions on camera (all of which say, in one way or another, 'I know what I'm getting myself into'), state their Social Security number, sign a document on camera, and provide a photo ID, there are so many caveats it's impossible to believe these guys aren't aware of the ramifications of their actions.
So Jeffrey finishes signing his life'I mean, image'over to Guys Gone Wild, and suddenly it's like a revolving door into the room. In comes Goofy Guy again to show us how he can do the 'helicopter' with his penis (that's when you swing it around like a propeller). Another lad follows to show us the 'elephant': He turns the pockets of his cargo shorts inside out, opens up his fly, and takes his dick out. It's a parade of penises. And each boy gleefully answers all the questions and signs the release without hesitation.
As midnight closes in, we head back to the Bahia Mar. While Rachel is texting Magnum and others to see where they are, Isabelle begins chasing down a couple of potentials who then decide they don't want to get wild.
We head to the mezzanine of the hotel. Rachel's got Magnum on the line, and he's going to come to the hotel. It's close to 2 a.m. We may be able to end the day on a high note.
Magnum shows up in the lobby a few minutes later'very cute and clean-cut. He's ready and willing to do a scene, and he doesn't care that the girls will have 'security' with them. Of course, there's a hitch: He doesn't have his own room. And the ladies share a room with the Girls Gone Wild camera crew also on location.
Isabelle begins working the desk clerks, desperately searching for an empty room we can use for just an hour to catch Magnum in action. Rachel goes to help her, and Magnum comes over to me. 'Dude,' he says, 'you work for Girls Gone Wild? You must love your job. Well'50% of it.'
'Exactly,' I reply, not clarifying which 50%. Isabelle finally charms her way into getting two keys. We head up to the first 'empty' room and discover it is not empty. Far from it. Although no one is home, the TV is blaring and there are clothes scattered about as if a small tornado had hit the place. Strike 1. We head to the second room and discover the exact same thing. Strike 2. Just then, a fire alarm begins going off. And we're out.
We go back to the lobby, trying to figure out a way to salvage the night, but it is after 2:30 a.m. and we are all exhausted. Magnum or no Magnum, we can't be wild for one second longer, so we all head to bed. Thus ends my career as security for Guys Gone Wild.
Ever since I returned to civilization people have asked me, 'Was it hot? Did you have fun?' Out of 12 hours scouting, there were maybe five minutes of the boy buffet I had been craving. Is that hot? Is that fun? Like many events recorded for the camera, it's hotter and more fun to just watch it at home.
See some of Epstein's adventures yourself when the three new Wild titles'Hunk Hotel, Pool Party, and Bad to the Bone'hit stores this August.
Photos: MANTRA Films, Inc.
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