The Cold List

5.7.2006

By Out.com Editors

In Out's June Hot Issue, we let you in on all the people, places, and things that are going to sizzle this summer. But what about those 'must-avoids'? To save you from pain and despair, we offer a few items we advise you to steer clear of at all costs. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Coldest Movie
Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties

We adore Jennifer Love Hewitt as much as the next fag, but watch Ghost Whisperer reruns. Buy Party of Five DVDs. Hell, listen to her song 'How Do I Deal' 50 times in a row. Anything would be better than watching this movie.

Coldest Summer Series
So You Think You Can Dance: Season Two

We're shocked Fox thinks we can care about this show.

Coldest Fashion Trend
Layering T-shirts

This may be cute and acceptable if you are in high school or college. If you're not, please stop doing this at once. It doesn't make you look any younger. We swear.

Coldest Behavior
Talking on Cell Phones in Elevators

In case you didn't know, no one wants to hear about your hot date, how you're running late, or what's happening with your stock portfolio. Especially not in a small, confined space with limited oxygen that you're rapidly depleting.

Coldest Rapper
Busta Rhymes

After freaking out over a gay guy tapping him on the shoulder at a Miami restaurant'and then having his burly security guards push the guy away'Rhymes can hip hop his ass back to the homophobic rock he crawled out from under.

Coldest Catchphrase
'So Brokeback'

We thought the movie was great too, but does that mean we have to encode it into the language to imply things are gay? So lame.

Coldest Vacation Destination
St. Maarten

Despite its warm climes, when two male American tourists were brutally gay bashed on the island, police allegedly did nothing about it (they didn't even show up when the crime was reported). Us? We're heading to Puerto Vallarta.

Coldest Grooming Trend
Manscaping

Trimming is fine. But some of you boys are getting out of control. Besides, hairy chests are back. So skip the waxing. You look good to us.

Coldest Summer Book
Manliness

Harvey C. Mansfield's new conservative tome promises to examine 'manliness' as is most needed in these effeminate, anti-manly times.' Hey, who you calling effeminate, bitch?

Coldest Tunes
Barry Manilow/Live: Legacy Edition (remastered)

We were going to suggest Clay Aiken's new album, hoping he'd set a few things ahem straight, but his label yanked his summer record release plans. So we go with Barry, who we hear is reading a new book by Harvey C. Mansfield as we write.

READER COMMENTS ()

AddThis