Go West, Young Man
By Out.com Editors
Since Hollywood has gone ga-ga over Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger this year, it seems every leading actor now wants to make a gay love story, from Brad Pitt to�well, isn�t Brad Pitt good enough for you? We�ve merged two time-honored Hollywood traditions�the insipid movie remake and jumping on the bandwagon�to present our ideas for gay updates of famous westerns. (Besides, we haven�t nearly used up all our Brokeback Mountain jokes yet.) And listen up, Scorsese, Spielberg, and Eastwood: We want a cut if one of our ideas gets green-lighted.
The Lone Stranger�Based on The Lone Ranger, (1956) this isn�t so much a gay love story as it is about an anonymous hook-up after a few too many beers at the local all-male saloon.
The Magnificent Seven Jeans�An epic tale of true love between a man and his designer denim.
The Last of the Faux-hicans�Daniel Day-Lewis plays the very last man to get the world�s gayest haircut.
A Crotchful of Dollars�A wandering go-go dancer plays two rival families against each other in a town torn apart by greed, pride, and revenge.
The Crisco Kid�Ha! Come on, you knew we had to go there. [Ed. note: This isn�t a new joke.] Dammit!
Riders of the Fuschia Sage�This is the story of a gunman, Lassiter, and a team of interior designers who renovate a western ranch in hopes of flipping it for a tidy profit.
She Wore a Yellow Ribbon�Inspired by the 1949 film of the same name, this drag remake tells the story of an army captain on the eve of retirement who protects a troupe of drag queens from the hordes of invading str8-acting Aberzombies.