How to Create a Good Personals Profile

6.9.2005

By Daniel Lee

1. Tell the Truth-ish

There is nothing wrong with embellishing the truth, as long as it is passable. Saying you are 5'10' when you are really 5'9.5' is perfectly all right. Telling people you have a 13' penis and not being able to follow up on that is a big ole no-no. Likewise, photos attached to your profiles'whether in print or online'should be current (current meaning the photo still is an accurate representation of your present looks, not a snapshot when you were 10 years younger, 10 pounds lighter, and without the receding hairline). If you're bisexual and in an open marriage, don't lie about that. Postponing that kind of information could result in the messiest situation you've never wanted to be in.

2. Show Who You Are

Besides your pictures, another way of showing the kind of person you are is through the language of your profile. Don't tell people you are funny'demonstrate your sense of humor in your write-up. For example, if you love absurdity and sarcastic humor, write that in your spare time you are 'into surveying local crackhouses, fine cannibal cuisine with a particular weakness for roadkill carpaccio, and freelance janitorial work.' Let your personality show through.

3. Take Good Pictures

A little chiaroscuro lighting to render more muscle definition is nice if scoring a trick is all that you want, but a clean and lovely face pic is what is essential. Most people who are more relationship-oriented care about the face more than the body, as the rationale is that the body can be changed/worked out in time. The face is something you are pretty much stuck with unless you've got plenty of coins for a personal episode of Extreme Makeover. Show us your best side, your best smile, wearing your most natural look. If you are known for your amazingly blue eyes, make sure they're highlighted in your photos! Snapshots are perfect. Headshots are pretentious. And for goodness sakes, don't show too much of the interior of your poorly decorated or extremely messy residence in the picture! Spring that on the sucker later!

4. Be Specific

If you're looking for a traveling companion, LTR, casual dating, gym buddy, or an exclusively submissive pig bottom, be very clear about it. Most people aren't psychic. If you are into 'kinks' that are central to your sexuality, that's something to consider being upfront about (this is a gray area). If there are features on a person that you are really into, say, red hair, then put the pumpkinheads on alert! This is your chance to get exactly what you want!

5. Don't Be Offensive

This sounds obvious, but in truth, it can be a hard thing to gauge. A phrase like 'No fats, no fems, no Asians (sorry)' may be specific, but you also end up sounding utterly size-ist, a genderphobe, and a sexual racist.

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