If Gays Ran the Country�
By Out.com Editors
�the tax code would be changed to allow pets as dependents; cosmetic surgery, Botox, microdermabrasion, teeth whitening, massage, depilatories, waxing, and gym memberships would be 100% deductible as medical expenses.
�all inaugural balls would be Jeffrey Sanker productions, with tickets starting at $1,000 ($5,000 for the VIP pre-party with go-go boys and free water bottles).
�Ellen DeGeneres would be appointed Secretary of State. Nothing sticks to her!
�Michael Musto would be appointed Director of National Intelligence. If he can�t get the dirt, no one can.
�all military uniforms would be sedate, functional, sexy, and form-fitting�something by John Bartlett, perhaps.
�the Castro, West Hollywood, and Chelsea would set up embassies in red states.
�the national anthem would be remixed by Peter Rauhofer.
�the Secret Service would be replaced by the Down Low Service.
�the Fashion Police would hand out actual citations.
�White House dinners for visiting heads of state would last all weekend, culminating in a tea dance on the Washington Mall.