Nine headlines you will see when hell freezes over.

Pope Endorses Gay Marriage

Madonna Takes Home Her Third Oscar

President Bush Joins MENSA

Liza Minnelli and David Gest Reconcile: Lovebirds Again

Elton John Brokers Peace Deal Between Warring Nations

Carson Kressley Fired from Queer Eye: Deemed Too Butch

Nine Out of Ten Gay Men Agree: Abstinence Rules!

Paris Hilton Graduates from Harvard

Rosie ODonnell Elected President of the NRA