The New Year's Resolutions I've Already Broken

1. I will not spend any time online at any site that involves the combination of letters and numbers: M4M.

2. I will not use the word girl unless the person I'm talking about has a vagina.

3. I will get back into those G-Star jeans that I bought and wore once before Thanksgiving happened.

4. I will not spend any time online at any site that involves the combination of letters and numbers: M4M'at work.

5. I will put more money in a savings account than I spend on sunglasses.

6. I will read more classic literature'and outdated issues of People don't count as 'classic.'

7. I'm going to be really, really nice to everyone. Even people I work with.

8. The gym'really.