What happens when 15 drag queens and Michelle Visage -- okay, 16 drag queens -- get stuck in the snow after their tour bus breaks down in Cleveland of all places? If your answer is immediately devolve into a post-Rupocalyptic Mad Max Beyond Thuderdome anarchy, wherein they all strangle each other with shade and duct tape -- well, then you're thinking of Drag Race Season 4.
Michelle and the goils -- including Sharon Needles, Raja, Jinx Monsoon, Alaska, Ivy Winters and Manila Luzon -- were en route to Clevenland's Playhouse Square on their Battle of the Seasons Tour.
Visage tweeted a status update featuring the ladies, untucked:
World of Wonder's James St. James spoke to Visage before her phone, and presumably all hope, died:
"Michelle! Michelle!" I screamed. "If you don't make it... what do you want people to remember you for?" Moments passed. Too many moments. I thought she had already perished. Finally she cleared her throat and whispered: "Eyeliner..."
Now that's what I like to see: schticking all the way to the end. It's the way Ru would have wanted it.
The queens eventually had to reschedule their show at Playhouse, whose disappointed audience were given full refunds.
As for America's sweethearts, we pray for their safe return and have arranged for rescue dogs carrying vodka and Vicodin to make their way through the Cleveland wilderness. Of course, if those dogs somehow find their way to a lost weekend in in Vegas, making it rain on some loose pomeranians -- well, those queens had a good run.
Les Fabian Brathwaite, last place finisher in RuPaul's Best Friend Race.
