8 Reasons Why Kanye’s Sad
By Alex Panisch
Why so sad, Kanye? This photo of Kimye at a zip-lining course from their 2012 vacation to Mexico hit the internet today and everyone’s been noticing that Kanye looks really dejected while slouching in the background. Since there’s been no official statement about the photo from the power couple, I’ve taken it upon myself to posit reasons for why Kanye looks so miserable.
1. That “Gay Fish” South Park episode really stung.
2. That helmet is the first non-designer piece of apparel he’s worn in 10 years and he does not like how it feels.
3. Kim wouldn’t let him punch the photographer in the face. That’s, like, his thing!
4. He’s still really sad about that whole T-Swift VMA thing.
5. There’s going to be a photo of Kim that he can’t personally have Photoshopped.
6. “I used to date Riccardo Tisci and now I’m shtupping this life-sized dollar-store Barbie.”
7. He drank the water in Mexico and so he’s been doing more than just watching the throne.
8. Zip-lining blows.